AndrewBrunelle.com

As Steven Wright once said, “I’m writing an unauthorized autobiography.”  I really think that this could be a fun project.  Writing your own unauthorized autobiography.  You’ll be writing it, but you never gave consent that you could write it.  It’s quite a concept.  But then you gotta site all these sources and bullshit, so it’s not really worth it.  I really wish you didn’t have to cite sources you didn’t like.  I hate how people always want credit for what they wrote, even if you have no idea that they wrote it.  Like if you introduce some idea that you thought of, but it so happens that someone else had thought of that idea as well, independent of you knowledge, then you are plagiarizing that person unknowingly.  Is that really fair.  You could have reached what you thought was a stroke of genius, only to find out later that you received a zero on the paper because some other person thought of it first. 

This is yet another reason why I think Turnitin.com is the worst website in the history of websites.  Not only does it take away your freedom, it also compares your paper to every paper ever turned in through that website.  So every high school or college student in the world’s paper is compared to yours.  And if three to four words in a row are similar, then you are guilty of plagiarism.  How messed up is that?  I am against people just copying and pasting whole paragraphs from other people’s papers into theirs, but how in the world do they expect us to be completely different from millions of people who we’ve never met before?  It’s really not fair.  But people are so overprotective of their work that they’ll do anything to ensure it’s safety.  It’s such a bunch of you know what. 

I try and write from my heart and soul and convey my voice in a personal fashion–in a way that’s true to me.  But I’m sure other people have written similar sentences to the one I’m writing right now.  Just because I hold the same idea doesn’t mean I’m plagiarizing.  It just means I have the same idea of someone I don’t even know exists.  So why should I get in trouble because of something that was out of my control.

I hate research papers.  Anyone who knows me can tell you that.  I’d rather give my opinion on something just based on my opinion on it.  Why should I have to prove to you why I believe what I believe?  It’s my belief.  I am totally fine if you don’t agree with me.  That’s up to you.  I’m not trying to sell you insurance, I’m just trying to make my point.  I shouldn’t have to put a bibliography at the bottom of it.  These are my thoughts.  Sure, they may be influenced by some sort of external stimuli, but just because they are doesn’t mean that I have to put their name, book, website, and home phone number at the bottom of the page.  I should do this only if I want to do this.  Like if I talk about a comedian I like, I’ll link to his site because I want you to get a better understanding of what I’m taling about.  But there’s no way in hell that I’m going to link to something like Pavlov’s dogs.  Wait, I just did.  Damn it.

I just have a big problem dealing with the fact that people think if you come up with a great idea, you have to look back at everyone who ever existed to see if they thought that to, and if they’re still alive, they’ll sue you.  I’m all about originality, but maybe what’s original to me someone else thought of in 1056 B.C. and wrote it down.  Someone finds it, so now I gotta explain why I stole this old philosopher’s idea.  Well, because I wanted to.  Because I definitely knew it existed.  Yeah, I was there when he wrote it, Testicles the Greek philosopher bastard talking about he Sandwich Theorm (not the calculus one).  I bet you in that time, there was no such thing as a sandwich.  Ha.  More on the sandwich theorem later.  It’s one of my favorite things to talk about.  Well, until next time, don’t do works cited pages, biblographies, quotes, or ever use Turnitin.com.

Here’s a link to Sam Kinnison that I really enjoyed.  He’s this comedian from back in the day.  He used to scream a lot and stuff, but I never really saw his act before today.  I saw him in the Rodney Dangerfield movie Back to School.  He was the history professor who yelled at Rodney, who decided to yell back.  It was something about WWII.  I forget, but it was a great scene.  It was a little sexually explicit, but it’s not like your kids are home right now.  Or are they?  If they are, bring them in to watch one of the grerat ones.  Rodney is also seen on this video introducing Kinnison to stage.  I’m not sure when it was shot, but the video quality isn’t the best I’ve ever seen, but the audio is pretty spot on.  Well, enjoy and check out my Myspace page as well. 

I’d also like to introduce you to a brilliant female comic known as Tig.  She is just hilarious.  I really can’t put into words how much she makes me laugh.  One of the only female comedians who can accomplish this task.  But I’m sure you all have your tastes and I have mine, but there’s no mistaking funny when I see it.  Well, have a good night and farewell until the morning, at least.

Jesus Christ born from a woman who never had sex.  That is just almost too crazy to believe, isn’t it?  I’m sure back in the year zero or one, there was an episode of Maury where Virgin Mary was there saying that there’s no way Joseph is the father of her baby and God was there saying there’s no way he’s the father.  And Maury, who had just been taken back there via time machine, was there to settle the score.  God was up there like, “That girl ain’t no virgin.  I’ve seen her with seven different guys.  And I see everything.  I am God.”  And Joseph is like, “Why am I even here?  I ‘ve never slept with her but for some reason the producers want me to say that I think I’m the father of this kid.”  And Maury’s like, “Hey, everybody, let’s hear the results.  When it comes to eight-month-old Jesus, Joseph, you are NOT the father.  God, you ARE the father.”  And Mary goes running backstage all distressed.  God’s like, “Oh, no.”  Maury asks him, “So are you going to take care of this kid?”  And God’s like, “Yeah, I’m gonna get myself a job and support this kid to being just like me.”  And look what happened.

And then this Jesus character walks on water, turns water into wine, and moves a mountain or something.  I don’t know because I haven’t read the Bible.  But it’s crazy to think that someone can really turn water into wine unless they have some grapes and some alcohol.  Jesus was a magician who had an idea about how life should be lived and used his magic tricks to “prove” he was the messiah.  Every night when he went to bed, he would think to himself, “I can’t believe they actually believe this shit.” 

Two thousand years later, look where we still are.  People still believe this.  And I for one cannot just sit back and let the socially conditioning of Christian values be brought upon us.  Well, if you’re one of those people who says, “Faith is all I need,” when confronted with the evidence that some of the things you believe are impossible, well, you need to reevaluate your whole theory on reality.  Sure Jesus was a cool guy and he would have been great to hang out with.  I’m sure he got a lot of ladies because of that whole messiah thing.  He was a fucking chick magnet.  And if they ever ran out of wine, “Hey Jesus, make me some more wine.”  And he did. 

Some people take this shit too seriously, though.  Like when I get down on Christians, I’m just doing it to make you question your beliefs a little because if you don’t, you’re no better than people like the KKK who are too afraid to think that what they stand for is wrong, so they continue killing niggers.  It’s just crazy how sometimes I see the KKK in my neighborhood and I tell them there’s a black person in my garage and they actually look.  You can say what you want about belief systems, but to chastise just one is ludacris.  Each one has its own faults.  But when you’re in one of these systems, you are often critical of others’ beliefs just because they’re not yours so they have to be wrong, right?  If you believe Jesus was the son of God and they believe Muhammad was, they’re obviously wrong.  No they’re not.  We’re supposed to be all God’s children, so what’s so special about Jesus? 

God is a choice.  You can believe it exists or it doesn’t.  It’s not like you should think of it as a man or woman, though.  That’s because if there is a God, then why would he just focus on human beings and just Earth?  What about the rest of the universe and all the creatures that could exist?  And what about Maury Povich?  I’m sure he has some input on this situation.  “God, you are a not a human.  You are an energy force.”  Leave it to the talk show hosts, huh? 

I’ll never forget what happened to me a little less than four years ago.  It was late August, and I was on vacation in Myrtle Beach.  I ended up in the hospital undergoing two brain surgeries in three days because a tumor was pinching off one of my ventricles.  It was so sudden it was breathtaking.  I had never been in the hospital before and it was not a pleasant experience.  But I lived through it and much more trials after that.  I used humor to help me through my painful experience and I sure hope I can convince you of the benefits of laughter.

Upon returning home, I still had a tumor near my brainstem.  I would often feel very depressed as I would get extreme headaches all the time and be unable to focus my eyes whatsoever.  It was a very dismal state.  The surgeon in Providence, RI said he couldn’t do anything for me, so we decided to go to Boston, MA.  A doctor said she could take the tumor out and she did, at least most of it. We found out what it was and it was cancerous.  The good news was that it was curable via radiation.  Thirty days of radiation and I would be cured.  I was so happy.  I finally had the disease beaten.  And here’s why I didn’t succumb to suicide or depressing thoughts.

I began watching a show called Seinfeld because I didn’t feel good enough to do anything else except watch TV.  I thought the show was amazingly funny and I really felt it was the funniest thing I’d ever seen.  I laughed and laughed and laughed all throughout the months leading to my gigantic surgery in Boston, all through my radiation therapy, and afterwards as I was recovering and regrowing my hair back.  I began pursuing writing jokes myself and this became an obsession with me.  I saw the power that humor had.  I knew that without humor, something even more terrible would have happened to me.  And I committed my life to laughing and making other people laugh.  That is my mission. 

Sure, it will be nice if I become a famous comedian.  I’ll be living my dream and feeling fantastic.  I just owe humor so much of my life.  I even got to meet Jerry Seinfeld through the Make A Wish Foundation.  I want to do more, though.  I don’t just want to be a comedian.  I want to be someone who advocates laughter in everyday life.  I want to be someone who can cheer someone up from this cruel world from any kind of ailment they may be suffering from.  I feel that it is my responsibility.  Humor gave me a second chance and I will do my best to give that gift to the world.  It’s not just that I want to.  I need to.  I have to.  It’s not a choice.  It’s a mission.  And I invite you to embark on this mission with me.  Without laughter, the world would be a terrible place.

So I want you to go home today and just find something that makes you laugh.  Just do it.  It’s something that will let you forget about all your troubles and just think in a positive way.  That is why I feel that laughter is indeed a wonderful medicine.  It may not be the best medicine, but it sure doesn’t have any side effects, which is so rare today.  If you’ve learned anything from this post, having a sense of humor can be vital in certain situations, so don’t be afraid to let it out.  Until next time, laugh it up.

There are some problems I have to work out with the new flyer page I want to develop. but I’m sure in the future I’ll be able to make them work.  The problem is that these flyers are more Microsoft Works-like in nature and converting them to images was a social faux pas for me because when I uploaded one of them, it came in so small, I couldn’t even make it out.  And when I tried to enlarge it, it was all blurry and shit, so I decided to wait a little while until I can specifically map the images to the interface in such a way that I can still create a flyer-like image, and also have some sort of introduction to them as well.  I mean, it’s only natural to have problems when dealing with software I’ve never dealt with before, so I have a feeling that it will resolve of it’s own velition and I’ll be able to place some awesome flyers up in the next couple of days.  I’m really looking forward to this.  I’ve really got to enhance my knowlege of HTML as well.  So far, all I’ve really done with respect to HTML is basically links and lists.  I’m just having trouble figuring out what else this site needs.  Maybe some photo imagery?  I’m not sure at this time.

I’m also working on a myspace page on www.myspace.com/andrewbrunelle.  It looks to be something decent so far, but there’s only so much media I can fit on one of those pages.  Eventually, I’m hoping to collaborate the two onto my own server where bandwith is my option to contract or expand.  I’m almost there.  I really have it going now.  The only real problem is getting more traffic.  I’m glad traffic has increased signnificanly since I started this blog, but it’s still in the low range compared to blogs I read on a semi-daily basis.  So I intend for much more visitors to come to my website and experience me as a whole.  Okay, I’ve got some uploading to do on myspace, so hang tight and I’ll be there for you, hope you’re there for me, too.

Here is a short list of the comedy books I recommend.  These are books about stand-up and how-to books that I really found informative:

• The Comedy Bible by Judy Carter
• Step to Stand-Up Comedy by Greg Dean
• How to Be Funny by Jon Macks

 The book I found most enlightening on comedy was definitely Judy Carter’s Comedy Bible because it really had a no-nonsense approach to comedy.  It had pretty good exercises and had some quizzes to determine if you were funny.  It was filled with personal stories, commentary from hundreds of pros, and jokes from more than fifty different comedians.  It also featured how to do a one-person show, write a sitcom, and many other comedy-related things.  Business advice is also very prominent.  I really enjoyed this book.  Of all the books I’ve read, I would recommend this one above everything.

The other two books are very informative and cover the theory of laughter and what makes people laugh.  It talks about different things that cause tension and all that stuff that’s very theoretical in nature.  I would recommend Greg Dean’s book if you’re more of a beginner as it covers basic joke structure and beginning stuff that you really should know already, but he makes a lot of valid points.

How to Be Funny is just a book for being funny in everyday life.  It gave me a ton of great ideas of what creates laughter and basic things like that.  These things have made me a hit at parties and social gatherings, mostly because I think a lot more consciously and on my toes.  It also helps that I have  a sharp wit.  If you don’t have a sharp wit, I’m sure this book will at least sharpen it to a certain extent.  I sure hope you enjoy these three books because I sure did.

Keep in mind that I havnen’t read every comedy book, but I do know when I read bad books and when the books I read are very informative.  Take my word for it, you’ll enjoy these books if you are interested in comedy to some degree. 

~

Here is a list of funny movies to see.  It deleted this list the last time I put it on, so I’m a little pissed off about it.  Nevertheless, here is the list of twenty movies to guide you towards laughter:

1. Office Space
2. Billy Madison
3. Happy Gilmore
4. Mrs. Doubtfire
5. The Terminal
6. Airplane
7. Me, Myself, and Irene
8. Dumb and Dumber
9. 40 Year Old Virgin
10. Meet the Parents/Fockers
11. Zoolander
12. South Park:  Bigger, Longer and Uncut
13. Sideways
14. Wet Hot American Summer
15. Half Baked
16. Waiting…
17. Monty Python’s Holy Grail
18. Monty Python’s Meaning of Life
19. Van Wilder
20. Planes, Trains and Automobiles

 That’s the list.  No comments because I’m afraid it won’t post right again.  So enjoy these.

Right now, I’m going through this health phase where I’m trying to change my diet in hopes of more energy and vitality.  We all want to be healthy.  That is most people’s number one goal.  But many people never do anything about it.  You want to lose weight but you don’t want to stop going to McDonald’s or Burger King.  You won’t give up soda nor will you admit you’re addicted to sugar or aspartame.  It’s just insane.  People are always looking for some quick fix solution to lose weight or become healthier, but they have to understand it will take a life-altering change in order to lose the weight.  And it’s so much harder to lose weight after it’s been put on.

I’ve read many cases for all different types of diets.  Two of the best ones I’ve dealt with were Sugar Busters and an all-vegan diet.  I’ve actually done Sugar Busters and am working my way towards giving up meat and dairy products.  Sugar Busters was amazing, though.  I lost ten pounds in one month.  And I’m not overweight by any means.  I was average weight before I did that, and now I’m leaner than I’ve ever been.  Basically, what the diet entailed was to cut all sugar out of your diet, to some extent.  You could still eat fruit and vegetables, and some other natural sugars, but no processed, refined foods.  Like white bread, pasta, and other white flour-based foods.  You could eat lean meat, but only very thin cuts.  On this diet, I discovered all kinds of interestiing fruits and vegetables I never tried before and grew to love many, many different ones.  My new favorite fruit is the pluot.  It is amazing, but it’s no longer available at my grocery store.  It’s the juiciest fruit I’ve ever tasted.  I love mangoes as well.  And organic oranges are to die for.  Kiwis are just insanely good and most apples are decent.  I try to eat organic at all costs, mostly because the taste difference is amazing.  And this kind of diet really adds energy to your life.  Believe me.  Or don’t believe me, what do I care?  It’s not like I’m pitching a book or something.  Eat for optimal energy.  That’s all I ask. 

I’ve heard all kinds of cases for a vegan diet as well.  I hear the mental clarity and energy boost is quite amazing.  This is what makes me curious to try it.  There’s also a branch of this diet known was the all-raw diet that supposedly has even more benefits.  The reason that this diet has all these benefits is supposedly because animal products toxify your body and take extra energy to digest.  Some fanatical vegans will even say that when you eat an animal, you are carrying the torture it went through with every bite you take.  That’s possible, but let’s not get into that sort of thing now.  It’s about feeling your best.  If you want to feel better, get more energy, and gain some sort of mental clarity, give this a try.  I’m planning on doing this very soon.  I just have to make that quantum leap.  It will take some practice, but I’m sure in the next year I’ll try it for at least a month.  And from there, I’ll weigh the pros and cons and eventually figure out what it is I need to do. 

The media conditions us to eat unhealthy from a young age.  Look at McDonald’s and Burger King.  They advertise to children and promise them a toy with every meal they eat there.  And once they get one toy, they’re going to want to collect them all.  For me, I used to do that very same thing.  I remember going to McDonald’s when I was a child collecting the toys every once in awhile, but I didn’t go half as often as some of my peers.  This was mostly because my mother knew that that kind of food can cause serious problems.  And I’m glad to this day that I don’t go to places like that hardly at all.  But our nation’s youth is so into that sort of thing.  Fast food because they supposedly don’t have a lot of time.  Soda and sugar-laden juices like Sunny-D because they enjoy the taste better than natural juices and water.  And it’s just sad, but it’s true. Sugar is addictive as hell.  Everybody who’s tried it knows.  It’s just so tasty.  It’s like a taste explosion.  This is why I will never give up fruit.  While they still contain sugar, they also contain specific enzymes that contribute to development of the mind, body, and spirit.

If you give up refined, processed sugar, you may find that you lose maybe five pounds the first week, three pounds the second week, one pound the third week, and then plateau.  And that’s very common.  It’s mostly because the first week is a detoxifying week.  You rid your body of all the toxins that sugar and processed foods had stored inside of you.  It’s something that will slow down, but if you need to lose more weight, I recommend getting of dairy.

Dairy products are awful.  They really don’t do much for you unless they aren’t pasteurized, homogenized, and preserved.  Raw milk is one of the best nutritional assets our country has, but heat it up and cool it back down and you’re talking about something that messes up your mental clarity and influences weight gain.  But whatever you choose to do, do it in a conscious way.  Don’t just swallow the next fad diet.  It could and probably will just work for a little while and then

I just took this fascinating quiz at quizfarm.com.  It’s pretty interesting.  I really didn’t think that a quiz could really nail me down (to a cross).  Just kidding, but it really kind of said who I was.  Try it out.  Try all the quzzes out at quizfarm.com.  I hope you enjoy them. 

You scored as Cultural Creative. Cultural Creatives are probably the newest group to enter this realm. You are a modern thinker who tends to shy away from organized religion but still feels as if there is something greater than ourselves. You are very spiritual, even if you are not religious. Life has a meaning outside of the rational. Cultural Creative 94% Materialist 88% Postmodernist 81% Existentialist 81% Idealist 69% Romanticist 63% Modernist 50% Fundamentalist 50% What is Your World View? created with QuizFarm.com

I hate it all.  I hate bleeps, I hate those fake words they put in on a TV movie that used to be in theatre.  I *bleep*ing hate it all.  It’s just not natural.  It’s suppressing who we really are.  Forget using replacement words.  Say what you want to say and don’t back down.  Don’t let anyone get in your way.  It’s all about being yourself, whomever that might be.  In a previous post I wrote about comedians who sold out to do movies that were just awful.  It was because they valued money over their true self. Sure, they might have been a watered down version of who they are, but look at Bob Saget, for Christ’s sake.  That guy was a really funny comedian before America’s Funniest Home Videos came out.  He was very blue, but he was also very funny.  I know that foul language is not the choice of every comedian and the fact that they use clever things to disguise what they’re really talking about is nice and all, but the comedians that just say the *bleep* that you’re thinking and do the *bleep* you expect are the ones that deserve to be remembered, but all that is remembered about them is some corny movie they did about bull*bleep* that nobody remembers.  That’s all it is. 

I hate watching comedians on TV and hearing the bleep.  It’s just so frustrating, it makes me swear out loud at the television.  I’m paying for this thing called cable and I believe I deserve to hear everything those people are *bleep*ing saying, not some fake, edited version of their act.  It’s just not fair.  You’ve got to stand up for what you believe in.  I’m tired of hearing about how awful some things are on TV.  Don’t watch *bleep*ing them, then.  Jesus Christ.  Why should we all have to conform to some FCC standards?  Who the hell are they?  Notice I had to use hell instead of *bleep.*  It’s *bleep*ing bull*bleep.*  This post makes no *bleep*ing sense, but *bleep* it.  You know what I’m saying? 

People are always ready to get offended by anything.  Calm the *bleep* down.  It’s not really that bad.  So, some foul language got into the mainstream.  So what.  It’s not going to kill you, so lighten the *bleep* up.  It’s just stupid.  Moronic.  Idiotic.  Would movies like Office Space be as funny if it didn’t have the swear words that totally made the movie? No it wouldn’t.  Those words make a stand.  Because we’re so sheltered from them, every time we hear them, we instantly are attentive.  “Fuck” is the biggest attention-getting word in the world.  Anyone hears “fuck” and they instantly turn to where it’s coming from. It’s inevitable.  Maybe if we started using these words regularly, they would have less negative connotations and be just like the other words in the English language.  Then there would be no need for censorship.  All words created equal.  I mean, it is the tweny-first century, people, so get with the *bleep*ing program.

It’s all the Christian’s fault.  That’s whose fault it is.  I have to blame someone.  And I chose them.  Their whole motto of being afraid of doing things or else some guy who’s in charge of everything will punish you by sending you to some fiery temper is just insane.  What in the hell were they thinking when they wrote this?  Some guy with horns poking you with a pitchfork while you remain there for eternity?  Ha, and that’s what makes you afraid to use the word *bleep?*  Or *bleep*?  How about *bleep?*  Four-letter words that make everyone tick.  It’s just so *bleep*ing amazing.  Send me an email for the uncensored version of this post.  It’s dynomite.  Maybe I should censor the word *joke.*  Wouldn’t that just make everything confusing?  Or the word *punch?*  Take the sentence:  I punched my friend.  It becomes:  I *bleep*ed my friend.  I just don’t care anymore.  It’s all rooted in fear.  This whole censorship thing is all about how people are afraid to hear these words that supposedly can throw a whole country into disarray.  Controlling what we say in a country that values free speech so eloquently is such a hypocrisy that needs to be stopped.  I sure hope I struck a chord here because I’m just sick of it.  This is all I have to say about this topic.  *Bleep*ing enjoy this, mother *bleep*er.