AndrewBrunelle.com

How about it?  I’m in the mood for some lack of structure, some lack of uncertainty, some complete and utter chaos.  Where you don’t know what will happen next.  Just a complete upheaval where anything is possible.  Take everything you know today and throw it away, start anew.  Just become complete with yourself.  Forget what you have learned and embrace your inner chaos.  Spread it outward, taking it to the streets, doing unorthodox things, donning clown makeup, cross-dressing, I don’t care.  Do something unorthodox just to shove it in everyone’s petrified faces.  Show them you’re not afraid to go against normality, show them all how mundane their little lives are.  I take great joy in doing things like this.  Say things that will invoke a response, invoke some sort of questioning of their way of life.

For example, at my job, I work as a cashier/bagger in a supermarket.  It’s not much, but sometimes I’ll just start asking the customers things like, “What do you know about astral travel?” or, when they ask me how I’m doing, I say, “Just waiting for the pirate ships to take me away into the ocean.”  I do this to see the shattered look on their face.  “Have you had any lucid dreams recently you’d like to share with me?”  One time, a coworker said to me, “I didn’t know you were here today.”  And I responded, “I didn’t even know I was here yet.”  Just be erratic.  Pretend you don’t even exist in reality.  Pretend you’re just a tourist in this world, kind of like Kevin Spacey in K-Pax.  You could even eat a banana with the skin on like he did, oblivious to the fact you can peel it.  Do things that force people to react.  Don’t succumb to your weaknesses, allow your strengths to get out. 

Some days, when I’m at work, if a supervisor asks me to do something, I don’t even respond, I just go do it, or sometimes I even ponder saying, “I’m not here yet, mentally.  Give me a few hours,” but if I say this to the wrong person, the person who is in charge of my employment, it could cause some serious problems.  Not really, he’s a big joke anyway, and he’s going to start since more and more.  It’s only when you have lost everything that you are able to do anything.  Fight Club.  God, I loved that book.  Just mix it up a little.  It seems like repetition has been the spice of life for so long for so many people, and the monotony has become intolerable, I’m sure, so why don’t people do something to get the ball rolling towards a new paradigm?  I hate the fact that some people never do these things because they’re afraid.  The only thing I haven’t really done is told my boss what I think of him.  But if I were to go up to him and say, “I think you’re a fat slob with a false sense of entitlement and a massive ego that is only surpassed by the size of your ass,” he may get angry and fire me, as well as file a verbal assault charge.  But I’m sure he already knows all of the things I said.  He knows them down deep, but he’ll deny them until the day he dies, because facing the truth is scary.  Especially if you’re like the man I just described.

When you let it all hang out, are no longer afraid of what “other people” think of you, then you can begin to really let it rip.  After I quit that fucking job and become self-employed selling “hopes and dreams and used goals” on eBay, I’ll be able to go back into that store and tell him somewhat along those lines.  It’s not for him, it’s for me.  Why should I pretend I like him when inside, I want him to leave for good, and never come back?  I’m not saying I want him dead, just far away from me.  But I’ll continue to break the monotony at work, with tales of astral travel and lucid dreams, with philosophical conversations to customers I’ve never met.  The funny thing is that most of them are scared when I bring up the nature of reality or think of dreams as another plane of reality.  They almost try to get out  of there as quick as possible.  It’s like they’re being interrogated by the police and are hiding something.  When I tell them, “I’ll see you in the future,” I’m just further sending their collapsing feeling of security into oblivion.  And it’s so much fun.

I find of feel like Socrates, questioning people and questioning everything really.  I’ll never forget a conversation I had with this character who used to work with me.  He says, “I hate to shave, but I gotta do it.”  And I said, “Why do you feel you have to shave?  There’s no law.  You could not shave the rest of your life and no one would come in and get you.  Do you really have to do it, or are you just looking for an outlet to complain?”  But sometimes people get great comfort in complaining about things they get themselves into and they’re always looking for some sympathetic character to say, “Oh, I agree with you.”  If you’re having a hard time, you put yourself there, so if you’re going to talk about it, instead of complaining, look for a way out, don’t perpetuate the suffering.  But nobody wants to change.  It’s so hard.  If you don’t want to change, don’t come complaining to me.  Tell me your plan for trying to change and I’ll help you. 

I like to let people in on what they’re missing.  I tell people of an astral experience I had, in a land of curiosity and wonder, a new dimension, just to let them know they are capable of these experiences also, if they just open themselves up to it.  My last lucid dream was amazing, but I’m not an expert at it yet.  The further I delve into that realm, the more I’ll be inclined to get others to do the same.  Just to mix things up a bit.  And no, I don’t do drugs.  Never have.  But looking at me, and the conversations I have, you would think I’m high all the time.  I am.  High on life.  That cereal is amazing.

If my boss ever fired me, he’d probably be like, “If you’re going to act like this, I’m going to have to show you the door.”  And I’ll be like, “What door?  It’s probably pretty awesome, huh?”  And he’ll be like, “Get out.”  I’ll say, “Hold on, you still haven’t showed me that door.  I can’t leave until I see this thing.  I bet it’s revolving.”  There’s nothing more rewarding than bashing someone’s massive ego.  I’ve always said there are three things that never stop growing:  your ears, your nose, and your ego. And I’ll never stop t his way of thinking.  It’s not so much bringing people down as it is opening up people to new ways of thinking.  I’m even open to this if someone were to do the same thing to me.  Hell, leave me a comment about this, and I’ll respond willingly to your inquiries.  I’m going to post-schedule this post for later, if I can figure out how to, for tomorrow, as I’ve already posted today.  Again, defying conventional norms, look at me.

Repetition should not be the spice of life.  Get over that, and you’ll live a life of interest and curiosity.  I love it.  Maybe you will, too.

This entry was posted on Tuesday, January 16th, 2007 at 5:58 pm and is filed under Rants, Inspiration, censorship, Theories, Intentions. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.