AndrewBrunelle.com

Taking the road less traveled.  Going against the grain.  Not subscribing to social conditioning.  If someone does it, I’m most likely not to do it.  I don’t do it to be different, I just find most of the things people do to be stupid and uninspired.  People who go out and buy a high-definition TV because they think it will make their life that much better.  The people who go out and buy an iPod so they can listen to every song they’ve ever heard, all avaliable on one piece of portable technology.  The people that do things to “fit in” rather than do them because they feel right.  I can’t be like one of those people, the people who pretend to like going to fancy restaurants with dishes they can’t pronounce and a utensil alignment they can’t quite figure out.  I’m not going to pretend to be one of these people.  I’m not.

I don’t just accept things the way they are, I wonder why they are the way they are.  I ask questions, I inquire.  I extrapalate, interpalate, beat arouind the bush, read the situation.  I like to see the reasoning behind some of the decisions people make.  I see people who look for a friend in food or furniture, or automobiles, when all those things give you is a credit card debt.  It’s not going to hold you at night, tell you everything’s going to be okay.  It’s just going to sit there, accumulating dust and deteriorating just as well as your physical body deteriorates. 

I don’t subscribe to any formal religion, except maybe the concept of non-duality, which is a belief and not a formal religion.  I understand that the only time is the present moment and I cannot argue that fact.  But I don’t belong to any particular belief system, a categorized set of heirarchical beliefs with some distant authority figure at the helm.  If you believe in such a thing and have never questioned it, I ask you to do so consciously.  It is the only way you will grow spiritually. 

I believe the soul is infinite, but I’m not making any predictions as to what happens once my body dies out.  I know I’ll still exist, it is intelligent to live that way, because even if I did cease to exist, I’m never going to know about it.  So, living like there is life after death is a more viable option.  I don’t think I’ll be punished in some fiery chamber where I get whipped and burned to death for all eternity.  But I don’t deny that Jesus Christ was an enlightened man.  What the religion his teachings were based on has turned into, I cannot support.

I don’t view life as a string of accomplishments, but rather a series of experiences.  Each moment is unique and precious.  Every second that passes is another second of existence.  Most people tend to think in terms of accomplishments, meaningful days.  I put no more weight on the day I met Jerry Seinfeld or the day I graduated from college than I do on the day I sat at home and read a book.  It’s all equal.  It all just is. 

Morally, I believe that harming someone is the equivalent of harming yourself, so I strive not to do anything to harm people or animals, but nobody’s perfect.  If I eat an animal, I say a prayer to the animal’s soul.  It’s something I have to work through.  Harming living things is counterproductive anyway.  It doesn’t do anything for you and it harms something else.  I’m striving more and more to end suffering in my life.

I guess I just don’t buy into the normal range of activities.  It’s just the way it is.  I allow myself to question the validity of many accepted truths.  I judge by my own opinion, rather than a consensus.  If I don’t think a movie is good, I’m not going to say it was just to fit in to the popular group who says the movie was good.  What is the point of that?  Acceptance?  When you fully accept yourself, external acceptance is meaningless.  You are more yourself than you’ve ever been. 

No matter how different you may be, the ability to accept yourself for you who are is invaluable.  To allow yourself to pursue unorthodox activities because you feel they are right is your right to be who you are.  Your thoughts are uniquely important to your character.  Don’t let your real self get tucked underneath the covers in a shrouded veil just to act the way you think others will accept.  It will be the beginning of the end of your real self.  If you allow yourself to truly be, you will experience joy.  Acceptance is the first key step.  Good luck.

Lately, I’ve been experiencing writer’s block.  I don’t know what to write about.  Is there anything left for me to comment on, other than the fact I have nothing left in my bag of tricks?  Should I write a post about how I’m speechless, I have nothing to say, just to get my voice out there?  Lacking in any true substance, posts like these should be thrown away…put I press on.

I’ve been reading more novels lately and not spending much time on the computer.  Maybe this is what has led me to not have many solid ideas in reality.  I am not going to do a book review because there would be no reason to do so.  Maybe I should go out into the forest and listen to the birds chirping and maybe they’ll give me a topic to write about.  The last one they gave me was subpar, though.  You probably want me to write about my inner peace or something else, but right now I’m in an apathetic mood.

“I’d be more apathetic if I weren’t so lethargic.”  Apathy is underrated, although I really don’t care.  Why should I care so much about being apathetic when it’s just so convenient?  You know, they say motivation is enthusiasm’s ugly cousin.  I think the problem is I just don’t care enough about certain things anymore.  Sometimes I wonder what’s going on inside my head and then down the road I find out and it was right all along.  Maybe this sort of slump is exactly what I need right now.

I tried writing a post last night, but I just got bored and stopped writing.  Then I tried another one today and I just got less and less interested as time went on.  It was like each post I tried to write was descending towards incoherent drivel.  I don’t understand why.  I feel almost as bad as that time I got arrested for trying to purchase an illegal pad.  I’m just going to have to play through the pain, eat my vegetables, and press on like there’s a tomorrow, but it’s really far away.

Did you ever just wake up and couldn’t think of a good reason to ge tout of bed?  You thought, “Hey, why even bother?  The bed is warm and cozy.  Why should I get up and go into the harsh, cruel world, the reality that shuns you at every corner, why even bother anymore?”  I’ve become more like the people who say the universe is so big and we’re so small, so what difference do we really make?  Even if the world were to explode, it would not be a big deal.  The universe would still be here, but without anyone to observe it, what would happen? 

Maybe it’s all the TV I’ve been watching lately.  I feel forced into it when I’m at someone else’s house, and they’re all watching it, so if I were to go into another room to read, I’d be insulting them because I don’t want to watch some political show about how much of an idiot Bush is and how many people are going to die because of it.  I already know these facts and there is no reason why I need to see them over and over and over again.  It’s quite a large demotivator, and so is going to the mall, with all the materialist merchandise being shoved down your throat at every corner.  I never buy anything at the mall except food and maybe a book.  I just don’t see the point in supporting the evil corporations or donning a shirt from Abercrombie and Fich or American Eagle.  The same fucking clothes with a different logo on it, clothes with paint stains and holes, selling for more than quality jeans and shirts.  I don’t know what this world is coming to, but I feel like I have little control over some of the nonsense I see every day.

Maybe I should buy into this for a week, buy all the decrepid clothes, all the iPods and use hair gel.  Maybe I should, just to see what makes it so damn popular.  Maybe I should watch Access Hollywood and sip champagne coolies while I talk about if Rosie O’Donnel is going to end her feud with Donald Trump.  Maybe I should move to Mars and just get out of this place, it’s starting to get stale.

We;ll see what happens…

Steve Pavlina’s new podcast, entitled Faster Goal Achievement, was something I really needed to hear, as it was reinforcing the way I was thinking with respect to goal achievement.  I was thinking that if you want something to happen, like a goal of some sort, the only way it will ever manifest is if you make some part of it true right now.  Making your goal in the present will allow the result to come to you much faster.

Steve Pavlina gives a concrete example about how some people he knew that were rich used to carry what he thought was a large sum of money in their wallets, when they thought it was nothing because they had so much money.  So the first thing Steve did was go to the ATM machine and make it so he had $200 dollars in his wallet.  Eventually, he upped the amount of money, and got to the point where when he had $200 in his wallet, he needed a “refill.”  He was thinking the same way about his bank account, where if he has $10,000 in there now, he would think that was a lot, but as a millionaire, it’s a tragedy.  So, if you think the way the millionaires do, you’ll be opening yourself up for opportunities to become one.

I used a similar approach in steps to gain some sort of inner peace.  Sometimes I would be jarred by external events, possibly at my work or otherwise, and I would get stressed out.  I would visualize a time and place where I would always maintain that inner peace, but it always seemed so far off in the distance.  So I decided to make inner peace part of my life–now.  Whenever I felt stressed or angry, I would immediately take a couple of deep breaths and then usually burst out laughing at how trivial the situation was that was making me stressed.  I found the deep breathing extremely rewarding as well.  It was almost if I was high on oxygen.

Supposedly, for your intentions to manifest, you have to become a vibrational match for your intention, meaning you have to align yourself with the mindset and take the actions that will allow you to achieve whatever goal you have.  Becoming a millionaire is a solid goal for me, and even though I sometimes have negative thoughts towards money, I realize that it’s not the money that’s evil, but the purpose behind making the money, or the people who control the money, who are evil.  So, if you are going to use your money for good causes, for the highest good of all, being a millionaire is a wonderful thing.

So it’s not like I really have any excuse to not make this amount of money.  With this sum of money, I could help the world become a better place.  I would be able to devote all my time to my mission of opening people’s eyes and also making them laugh in the process.  I have to set my mind up for millions and they will come to me.  I am going to possibly build a website, an entire website, with all the different categories and whatnot, but I just need to build my technical skills to figure out how to do such a thing.  I’ve registered a domain name, and it has been dormant for four months now, mostly because I got intensely frustrated when I couldn’t upload the blogging software on there while following the instructions. 

I will figure out what is going on, though.  I just have to work on a common theme for my website.  I have to have original ideas that change the way people think.  I need to inspire.  I have stories to tell.  I have beaten brain cancer.  If I can do that, making millions of dollars should be a piece of cake.

Here’s an issue I’m going through right now in my life.  Around three and a half years ago, I was found completely cured of a cancerous brain tumor through two brain surgeries and thirty days of radiation.  It will be four years in April.  It was the biggest challenge of my life and the most unexpected one.  I learned quite a bit in the year I was sidelined due to massive headaches and double vision.  Everything else was thrown to the side.  The most important thing was staying alive.

I don’t believe I have yet gotten out of this mindset.  I still feel the same way.  As long as I’m alive, I’m happy.  I don’t really need anything else to give me happiness.  I don’t need money, a good job, a healthy relationship, none of that matters so much.  Beating cancer has made me extremely grateful for life itself.

And yet this feeling of intense gratitude stifles me at times.  I don’t feel I have to prove anything to anyone.  I don’t really care about the things other people do.  I don’t care how much money I pull in or how many friends are on my Myspace page.  All I care about is living.  Living, breathing, ascending to a higher state of consciousness.  Allowing myself to see what is going on behind the scenes.  Being alive has become what I live for.

This is only a dilemma in the eyes of other people.  I see no problem with this way of life.  But society tends to push you into things, things you’re not sure are right for you, things that will supposedly give you a better life, when you aren’t concerned with a better life in the sense of material possessions, but a life well lived in principles.  I’m not looking for external success because that is utterly meaningless to me.  What I look for is a sort of internal success, a feeling of peace and love radiating from me.  That is what I am striving towards. 

It is more challenging than many external goals, as it can be taxing emotionally and mentally.  But through doing this, I gain a new perspective on myself, on the world, on nature, and start to become closer to enlightenment.  I’m not doing this for bragging rights or social status, but to help myself become a better person.  Isn’t that the meaning of life?  To do to others as you would want them to do to you.  The golden Rule.

But society complicates things, puts all these other activates, other bombardments that fill you with negative influences and take you away from your true mission.  All of the things we believe we’re supposed to do, when most of those things are entirely optional. 

for example, television and tabloid magazines are a perfect example.  First of all, they encourage you to live a materialistic lifestyle and secondly, they show you a barrage of negative gossip and ideas that you pick up on and it distracts you from being the best person you can be.  I feel like I’ve become less needy for approval and recognition.  I no longer need approval for my way of life.  I know it is the right thing to do.

Another aspect of beating the cancer was I now no longer have any fear of death.  If I am to die, so be it.  I know there is something there for me on the other side.  I know I have a spirit inside of me, and when my physical body runs out of fuel, I will be able to exist in some spiritual form, for all eternity. 

But what to do with the remainder of my existence?  I’m thinking about organizing some sort of collaborative enterprise or possibly a think tank.  Something of the sort.  Where we sit around and share high-level ideas in a non-judgmental session.  We try and get to the core of reality and how it works.  We live in harmony with nature and allow for us all to share our stories.  We work towards a feeling of peace and love.  We do everything we feel we need to and nothing more.  We live.

I hope this post was of some help, as it helped me get through a tough patch of negative thoughts.  Getting people together to share ideas is a great idea.  I sure hope it allows me to get new perspecitves on life and even catch holes in my thinking.

Now, I know everyone wants to be healthy.  We all want to have good vitality and vigor.  But sometimes, it’s so damn inconvenient to cook up a big healthy meal, isn’t it?  To chop all the vegetables, to mince the garlic, to crush the tomatoes.  So what’s a good alternative?  Well, I’ve been perusing various websites, and what I’ve come across is a blended salad is one key component to eating healthy without using up much of your time.  Here’s how it works:  You take lettuce, carrots, celery, maybe an avocado, and other vegetables that would normall go in a salad, tomatoes and such, and place them in a blender.  Use the celery or carrots as a plunger to push all the veggies down to the blade and then let the blender blend them, too.  Once it is all blended, you can pour it into a bowl and enjoy.

I’m sure it will not look appetizing and you may consider not eating it, but try it.  It’s good, believe me.  It may not be perfect on your first try, but experiment with different ingredients to make your ideal salad and then blend it.  No chewing required.

One thing I’ve really been wanting to do is liquify most of my diet.  Puree all the fruits and veggies so they are easily absorbed and I will not spend so much energy digesting all of them.  Not only that, I don’t have to waste time chewing all of it.  I’ll still get all the nutrients I need from it, as well as be able to save time and energy.  It will also push me towards a raw diet, which is supposedly the best possible diet around, seeing as the foods are not destroyed by cooking.  Now all I have to do is buy a blender.  I feel it will be a worthwhile investment, though. 

I may even eat this sort of concoction two or three times a day for optimal health.  It’s a much better alternative than a burger or chicken parmesan, with much less calories as well.  I’ll test out different recipes and see what works for me.  I may even throw in a piece of chocolate (for the antioxidants).  Wouldn’t be a bad idea.

The only thing that makes sense to me right now is writing, and maybe typing. Thinking is up there, too. But writing is the main vehicle through which I channel my energy. I can’t even pay my taxes alone, but writing, it just makes sense. I’m not saying I’m the most talented, I’m not in competition with anyone but my previous self. Hell, half the time, I forget to zip up my fly. So if this is what it’s come to, then so be it. I’m not writing for any particular audience, nor any particular creed. I’m just writing and that’s about it. Does it make sense? Maybe. Will it influence lives? Possibly. But in all essence, it’s just there. It exists in time and space and it’s out there for you to read, if you feel so inclined to do so. I’ve shed all biases and egocentric qualities from these writings and I just let go, channeling from my inner self, my spirit, to allow for these conversations to take place within my own mind. It’s a hell of a thing.

Banks are a pain in the ass. There. I said it. First of all, they’re never open. Second of all, they put you through an obstacle course just to activate your debit card, then you have to verify all this information, followed by a bunch of more bullshit. The Patriot Act really screwed us over. Now you need two forms of government I.D., a driver’s license (which I do not possess), and a social security card (which I also do not possess). It’s not that I really care because I know my money is safe at home, but I find it rather cumbersome to store my money in a place where I could easily access it at home. It’s not like my bank is giving me much interest, less than inflation in fact.

What do I care about money anyway? Sure, it would be nice to have a lot, but it’s not a necessity. I could live perfectly fine on less money than most people make. It’s not like I need a Dolby surround sound system with speakers so loud they would make a deaf man scared (because of the vibration). All we need to do is provide for the basic necessities: food, water, and if you’re so inclined, shelter. Maybe some furniture, a bed even. But you can get used things like that at rock-bottom prices. It’s not like you have to make $100,000 a year just to break even.

Then there’s credit cards. People spending money they don’t have. Isn’t that a joke? Everyone says you have to build credit. Build credit? Pay back what I borrow. My grandfather said that I should use my credit card and then pay it back, even though I have the money for it. He told me if I ever wanted a house and a subsequent loan, I would need good credit. I believe credit cards are one of the worst things ever to hit the free world. It’s the instant gratification that makes almost everything meaningless. Here’s why. If you want something really bad as a child, you would save for it. After weeks or months of saving, you would go and buy whatever it was you wanted. The saving and anticipation is what made the item more pleasurable. Now, with credit cards, you can have almost anything you want, at any time, with hardly and consequences. Sure, you may have to make a small payment on it, but you’re never going to have to pay for whatever is in full.

The only reason I would ever use a credit card would be for an emergency where I did not have other forms of currency at my disposal. It’s a safety net, yet I see so many people buying groceries with their credit card. Wouldn’t you think that groceries are a number one priority, not something you throw on the back burner and use a credit card on. I don’t know how extensive their poverty is and it is a shame if they have no money to buy groceries, but I’m sure most of these people spent their real money on some sort of extracurricular activity, meaning something not necessary.

I am not a big spender. I’m not cheap, either, but I just think there are so many valuable things that are free. If I can get better enjoyment out of reading an online article or getting some exercise, then why would I go out and spend ten dollars on a movie that is sure to be bad? I mean, stockpiling money is not something I plan on doing completely, but it is nice to have extra funds in the bank if I ever do slip up and want the new Aaron Carter CD. At least I’ll know I can afford it without succumbing to the credit card, the leech of life. I may even stop carrying my wallet like Kramer. When asked how he pays for things, he responds, “Oh, I get by.”

I’ll never forget when I tried to go back to college last semester, I was out of money because my financial aid package sucked, so I was forced to use my credit card for books, but my credit card was declined. I waited in a line twenty people long to be told I cannot buy these pieces of paper held together by a “spine.” I was mystified that my credit limit was only $250. Now it’s higher, but it was funny how useless it was there, just sitting in my pocket.

For the most part, I use cash. It’s the best way to pay. There is no tracking by the government, and there are certainly no problems with activation. I just give it to the cashier and I get change back. I store the change in a jar on my dresser. Eventually, I’ll cash it all in at the bank. I just don’t want to have to roll them all myself. I’m certainly not going to a Coinstar. I don’t want 8.9 percent of my hard-earned change being taken away. I’ve been picking up a lot of change lately, that I’ve found. And on the manifestation front, a woman gave me ten dollars for helping her catch the guy who stole her purse. So doing good does pay, sometimes. I’m thinking of placing an “I work for tips” sticker on my shirt when I go to work, even though they have a strict policy against tipping. I still take what people give, though, because I deserve it. If I didn’t deserve it, then they wouldn’t be giving it to me.

When and if I ever get my own place, I’m pretty sure I’ll give the banks the snub. As it is a safe place to keep my valuable, I can think of an even safer place: my home in an undisclosed location, kept away where no one will ever find it, except me. The coolest thing I’ve ever seen used as a piggy bank was a Barbasol can (shaving cream), and it was specially made just to conceal money in it. The only real problem with that is if I’m living with other people, someone may throw it away by mistake, and there goes my fortune. But I’m not that concerned about it anyway. It pales in comparison to the fortune in my head. There is no bank that could contain that information.

Time goes way too fast.  I feel like I should still be younger.  People say that youth is so quick and the rest of your life is spent being “grown up,” where you pretty much lose all your creativity and free will and conform to a culture that’s speeding up in such extravagent ways that it numbs my mind to think about it.  We devolving as a species in some respects, as things have taken a turn for the worst as we are no longer patient, attentive, original humans. 

I just totally think it’s hilarious how we think certain events are important, that we rush to do, and it ends up being trivial.  Things like writing this blog entry.  Things like how baseball teams change teammates every year and you struggle to keep up.  It’s just a waste of time to rush, in my opinion.  You miss so much, and you’re not really accomplishing anything significant. I just like to allow myself to experience life in its own perfect time, without having to complete some menial, arduous task that I don’t even find pleasing at all. 

Popular culture has to die out sometime.  I’m really looking forward to the downfall of clothes with holes in them, lilac sweaters, and hair gel that’s NOT tested on animals.  I don’t need the reality shows and the Paris Hilton updates.  I couldn’t care less about who’s marrying who in Hollywood.  They’re just people, like you and me.  If I were to tell you Bob and Linda Jameson were getting married, you wouldn’t care, because you don’t know them.  Just like I don’t care when Tom Cruise marries some woman I’ve never heard of.  I’m the kind of guy who will buy a National Enquirer to use as firewood.

A revolving door of quick fixes, miracle drugs, washed up actors and actresses, boring sitcoms, ridiculous rules and regulations, I’ve had it.  No, I don’t care if some famous person had their baby unless I actually know them.  I don’t feel like keeping up with their fast-pased, overindulgent, ego-stroking lives.  The self-fulfilling prophecies of yesteryear.  Is learning about this sort of lifestyle going to make my life any better? 

Whatever.  I’ve become bored with the world as it presents itself to me.  The only way I will get restimulated is to create a better world for myself and others.  I just don’t know what’s stopping me from doing it.  A fear of leaving my comfort zone maybe?  What it is isn’t what it feels like.  I just have to let myself slow down, breathe, and relax into total oblivion, letting myself go into unchartered waters, allowing myself to be me.

I was looking at who I am today when I was at work.  Who am I?  What the fuck do I represent?  What does anyone represent?  Why do I care that I represent something and that people judge me based on what they presume I represent?  I believe that there is something against representation without documentation.  There should also be no taxation.  What goes on inside my head is beyond my own belief.  This is where I live, where I grow.  It’s really late now, just after 1 A.M. and I’m starting to ramble off into the night, but even though this post is completely off the wall, I have comfort that people will still read it and think that it means something to them. 

Completely stonewalled from my own sense of self at times, I often take vacations from myself into a vast wilderness of idiosyncratic overtones that would throw Albert Einstein for a loop.  I speak eloquently to try and upgrade my self-worth and reputation, but what I’m really doing is just being me.  It is January 1, 2007 and I feel that today is the day for something magical to happen.  Today I go out and watch the butterflies get pollen or whatever they do when they fly from flower to flower.  My backyard is full of them.  At least they don’t have to deal with popular culture. 

P.S.  I just wanted to let everyone know that I’ve thoroughly enjoyed writing to an unabridged audience and hope they’ve gained some sort of benefit from reading these long-winded and philisophical posts.  It’s been real, so real that I feel like I’ve bared my soul into this blog.  I just hope we all can accomplish this sort of peace in the future.