AndrewBrunelle.com

What is truly important to you? What couldn’t you live without? What could you get rid of that is causing unnecessary stress/clutter? How can you bring yourself to get rid of all these unwanted items, thoughts, or emotions? I don’t claim to have all the answers, but I do know that there is a way to get yourself in a state of joy without succumbing to complexity and stress. You can live a simple, yet fulfilling life, filled with the people who care about you and the things you treasure most (e.g. my laptop). You can pretty much dump the rest. All the negative relationships, all the things you own that do not contribute to your goals or bring you joy, dump them. I believe everyone strives for happiness. In my world, happiness is abundant and I do not go looking for it. I possess the ability to access it from within and spread it out throughout the world. It is my gift to you.

We all possess this ability. I am just someone who found the access code in one of the file cabinets up in my brain. Soul searching is a very enlightening activity and you all need to realize that it is a choice to be happy. It is a choice to be depressed. These emotions do not rely on external circumstances. You can be flat broke and happy, or you can be a billionaire and sad. Or, if you are an idealist, you can be a happy billionaire (my personal choice). Part of being filled with unconditional joy is letting go of any attachments you have to anything. You need to acknowledge that everything, even your physical body, is temporary. Once you fully grasp that, once you really, really know it, you can show gratitude for everything you experience, but no longer be attached to it. You will no longer fear change because no matter what happens, you still retain joy. It is a remarkable state to be in.

When I started decluttering my home, I actually felt lighter and lighter each time I threw some unwanted item away. Same with my negative and limiting beliefs. Each belief thrown in the proverbial wastebasket allowed me to open up to more abundant happiness. I did some things I never thought I could do. I finally started to live freely, without limitation. The only limitation is your own mind. This is true on so many levels. There are no words to describe the feeling of lightness unless you experience it yourself, but once you do what it takes to get there, it will fill your days with joy. And it’s good on so many levels.

Spending time in nature really helps, too. Be amazed at the wonders of the forest, the desert, and the jungle. The ecosystems are so complex, so beautiful in their own rights that it saddens me how much we’ve destroyed them. I am grateful there is still some left and I strive to encourage others to live a simpler life, a life that does not damage the world, a life that is so fulfilling once you commit to it, there will be no going back. It’s the whole concept in rooting yourself in what is permanent, not what is temporary. All your material possessions will end up being dust. Your physical body will be dust. But your spirit, your marvelous and virtuous spirit is eternal. And raising the consciousness of that spirit, moving beyond unconscious consumerism and evolving to a state where you no longer look towards items to fill a void in your life because that void is already filled with unconditional love, joy, and acceptance.

I wrote something on a message board like this, “The lighter you are, the closer you are to ascending into the heavens.” I believe this rings true, at least in my life. I hate when I see people weighed down by debt, by personal problems, by bad situations. I can try and help, but some people are stubborn. They deny that there is anything wrong, they are attached to the very things they loathe. It gives them identity. It is part of their ego. Once you let go of the ego, let go of the past, let go of everything and embrace right now, really feel it, you can move into a whole other state of being. Your ego melts. Your problems go away. You are here and you are now. And allowing yourself to just allow the present to be and not letting past or future worries interfere is the best thing you can do. Show gratitude for each and every morning you wake up. Isn’t it wonderful how you get to live? Isn’t it great to be alive? I am starting to feel this way more and more every day. I wish the same for you. Wouldn’t the world be such an amazing place if everyone was like this? Just sit back and wonder…

Today is my first blog post from the college campus where I am attending: Coastal Carolina University. I figured I would blog to take up a little time before my next class. Here are my impressions so far of the campus:

While these are just primary observations and they are not as detailed as I wished, I am tired and need to relax for a bit. I also have a bit of studying to do and need to work on math problems. And believe me, they are problems. The toughest thing is coming up with a solution. Good day.

When I got sick a few years ago with brain cancer, it totally changed my perspective on life and all it encompasses. When I found out I was completely cured, I was so joyous that I started to do things I was previously afraid to do, things I would have never attempted as a pre-cancerous human. When you look death in the face and see it clearly, and survive, it totally changes the way you think. You acknowledge the trivial as trivial, like the accumulation of useless merchandise. You also acknowledge what is truly important from a permanent perspective. You realize what is worth living for and what is not. You no longer have to get the latest gadget, like an iPhone or whatever else is coming out. You are content with life itself, minus all the things that supposedly make it so great.

I know that if I were born in a different time, an earlier time, I would be dead right now. My brain ventricle would have exploded and I would no longer be here. But for some reason, I was lucky enough to be alive in this amazing time where having a brain tumor near the brainstem was not only operable, but compleely curable. I am eternally grateful for that and no matter how terrible my life gets on this end, I can always say, “At least I am not dead. At least I survived.” So, to me, accumulating things that do not place me in a higher state of consciousness is a worthless activity. If I can find something that is truly useful and will help me in my mission, then I will buy it. But I will not waste my time or money on items that contribute nothing to society, the world, and the universe. It just does not make sense.

Have you ever been out in public and you see one of those magazine stands with all that celebrity gossip on it? I think everyone at least looks at the cover of these magazines. Everyone acts like they hate how others obsess about celebrities’ lives, but deep down, they want to know, too. And they are mostly negative stories about topics like rehab and divorce. I feel compassion for these celebrities, who are put on a pedastal by society, and every misstep they make, they are hounded. I mean, when the photographers start showing up at rehab to catch a shot of the newest intake, it is getting out of control. This is one of the things I no longer watch or pay attention to. I know that we are all human and no one is perfect. I accept people for who they are. If they make mistakes, fine. It is expected. It does not make them bad people, and the tabloids should examine themselves before crticizing another. What I tend to find is people who criticize others have an inner critic about themselves and the only way they can hide their self-loathing is through projecting it outward onto someone else.

Realize that making life more complicated than it already is gets in the way of living your goals. If you fill your home with items that do not reflect who you wish to become, then how do you expect to become that person? Just think of a goal you have. Think, “What would a person who has already accomplished this goal act like? What things would he/she own?” Get rid of anything that does not align with your goals. Also, eliminate all behaviors that do not align with the person you are striving to become. Why waste time on the unimportant when you can spend that time on the important? Why read tabloid magazines when you could spend time reading up on whatever career you want to get into?

It is tough to make a decision about what to commit your life to. It really is. But the most difficult part is actually facing what you feel you should do. Maybe you don’t think you can accomplish it. Maybe you feel it will be too much work. Maybe your stable job and routine is too hard to change. Well, I never heard of a saying, “Stagnation is the spice of life.” In order to get where you need to be, a solid contributor, you must change things about yourself, but for the better. These changes will be resisted at first, but once you overcome the intial resistance, you can move on to growing with ease. Part of this resistance is fear of the unknown. Educating yourself about whatever you wish to accomplish should assuage some of those fears. Work from your strengths and build up your weaknesses. Practice what you preach. Become what you know you can.

Accepting the truth of your life and not denying the truth or escaping from the truth is something I learned the hard way, although now I see things much better. I can’t help but think of a quote from (I believe) Fight Club: “We all lie to ourselves to be happy.” I believe it has some truth to it. If we are dissatisfied with a certain part of our lives, sometimes we say, “It’s not that bad,” or “It’s fine. No, it really is. I swear.” But fooling yourself is something that will only lead to more suffering. If you pretend you are having great finances or in great physical health when you do not possess these qualities, it will eventually blow up in your face. I know from experience. You can intend to be at those levels of perfection, but do not pretend you are there. Do not lie to yourself. Denying what you currently have is lowering your awareness. If you view your reality in the most positive way possible and put out the intention for greater things, you will make strides towards where you need to go.

When you do this lying to yourself, you may get into a state of relief, but in the back of your mind, you know what the truth is. And do not pretend to be ignorant of the truth. Some may say ignorance is bliss, but I don’t buy into that. If ignorance was bliss, then we would all deny every fault we have and try to pass ourselves off as some perfect being, one who has it all together. And it would be easy. And it is not. It is not easy pretending to be someone you are not. And the lies catch up with you, eventually. If you kid yourself and say you are not in debt when you are, try saying that to the credit agency that keeps calling your house, looking for the money you owe them. “Sorry, you must be mistaken. I am not in debt.” Come on.

Part of this is acceptance. Accepting the truth and moving on from there. It can be scary facing the truth, which is why so many people live in denial. Some people say things like, “I have this lump on my leg, but I am too afraid to go to the doctor. What if it is cancer?” Well, if it is cancer, don’t you think the doctor would help? But it’s the very fact you need to face this truth, this terrifying truth, that you shy away from reality and lower your awareness. Even if the truth is painful, you will feel grateful for building up the courage to face it. And it will definitely make you a stronger person.

Here is something I notice. Whenever I eat meat with someone, anyone, I bring up the fact these animals are raised in concentration camp-like conditions, fed their own excrement, and killed in the most inhumane way, I get this response: “Oh, come on. I don’t want to hear this while I’m eating. Let me enjoy my meal.” Human beings cannot bear very much reality. I guess it is the easy way out to deny such things. It allows us to live in a state of semi-awareness, but we never really get to the point of really understanding ourselves fully. And we end up lagging far behind in the self-acceptance department. It is only after you completely and fully accept yourself that you can move on to bigger and better things, at least from a spiritual perspective. It does not seem intelligent to ignore certain facets of your life and just let them stay that way, convincing yourself it is “not that bad.” Accept the fact that your life is not perfect and truly accept the truths in all areas and move from there. Once you really know where you stand, there is an accurate foundation for improvement.

Understand that this will not happen overnight. But it is totally worth it, at least so far for me. The closer I am getting to unconditional acceptance, the better off I am. And you do not have to put negative labels on the current state of anything. You can always view things positively. Take the facts, the objective facts, and view them getting better subjectively. Ten thousand dollars in debt becomes “I am working hard to get out of debt and progressing on to financial abundance,” or “I intend to work out of this debt and accumulate money to live the life of my dreams.” As the old proverb says, the truth shall set you free. Good luck.

Every now and then I take a look in Steve Pavlina’s archives for some articles that helped me in the past. This one
really got to me on self-discipline and seeing where you truly are. I know myself all too well to pass this up. If I keep denying where I am and acting like I live this life of awesome productivity, I will be lying to myself and others. Although my life is getting better every day and I am accomplishing much, I still find I waste a lot of time doing ‘nothing.’ It’s not really nothing, but it is not something that will get me closer to my goals, my goals being vague enough already. I would love to pursue a career in comedy, in some facet or another, but my intuitive side is saying that I can contribute more. I guess maybe I am shying away from it because I realize the intense commitment it will take for me to do so. My mission is to show people how to live more fulfilling lives and mark the trivial as trivial and start living for what matters. Show people the interconnectedness of everything on this planet, everything in this universe. And, to me, this makes sense on every level, but it takes time to really grasp the extent of it, and that will take quite a bit of self-discipline.

Here are some questions Steve decided to put out there for digestion into the acceptance of my level of self-discipline:

Do you shower/bathe every day? No
Do you get up at the same time every morning? Including weekends? No
Are you overweight? No
Do you have any addictions (caffeine, nicotine, sugar, etc.) you’d like to break but haven’t? No
Is your email inbox empty right now? No
Is your office neat and well organized? Yes
Is your home neat and well organized? Somewhat
How much time do you waste in a typical day? On a weekend? 90-230 min
If you make a promise to someone, what’s the percentage chance you’ll keep it? 55%
If you make a promise to yourself, what’s the percentage chance you’ll keep it? 10%
Could you fast for one day? No
How well organized is your computer’s hard drive? Very
How often do you exercise? Hardly ever
What’s the greatest physical challenge you’ve ever faced, and how long ago was it? Brain cancer, five years
How many hours of focused work do you complete in a typical workday? Maybe one
How many items on your to do list are older than 90 days? What’s a to-do list
Do you have clear, written goals? Do you have written plans to achieve them? No
If you lost your job, how much time would you spend each day looking for a new one, and how long would you maintain that level of effort? Honestly, I would probably try and start a home-based business.
How much TV do you currently watch? Could you give up TV for 30 days? Very little, if any
How do you look right now? What does your appearance say about your level of discipline (clothes, grooming, etc)? Not much
Do you primarily select foods to eat based on health considerations or on taste/satiety? Usually health
When was the last time you consciously adopted a positive new habit? Discontinued a bad habit? Not too long ago
Are you in debt? Do you consider this debt an investment or a mistake? I will be in debt very soon. An investment
Did you decide in advance to be reading this blog right now, or did it just happen? Yes, I did decide in advance
Can you tell me what you’ll be doing tomorrow? Next weekend? Working tomorrow, the same next weekend
On a scale of 1-10, how would you rate your overall level of self-discipline? 3-4
What more could you accomplish if you could answer that last question with a 9 or 10? I could become an amazing stand-up comedian, writer, speaker, etc.

Part of me lagging on the self-discipline and really going after my goals is I have this tendency to always worry about what others close to me will think. If I were to dive into some sort of spiritual quest, I don’t want people I care about saying things like, “You’re crazy,” or “You need a real job. Think about security.” And I blame myself for holding back on these things. Those irrational fears and stress only exist in my mind and if I keep holding out on this, I will be denying the whole world, even the universe, an amazing gift I have. I really need to do some serious work on my beliefs about the world and people in general. I have to open myself up to others and accept that only through tackling a goal like this head-on will I be able to acccomplish it.

This will require an insane amount of self-discipline. I need to be able to take the appropriate action regardless of how I feel. I am not always going to be motivated, but if I can discipline myself to take action regardless, I will be much closer to where I need to be. I’ve started to see this blossom, but I am nowhere near where I need to be. But I will not rush myself. I will get there when I get there. But even at work now, I am starting to write out little sayings on pieces of register paper. My favorite so far was: “The belief that you need a job exists only if you choose to believe it.” If I were to tell that to my family, my belief system says that they will debunk it, saying that if you do not have a job, do not take the secure route, you will never succeed in life.

I am going back to college for the experience of learning with like minds. When you put out the intention to meet people who are on the same vibrational level as you, you need to act on anything that will bring me closer to this ideal. Upon visiting the campus, I found some people there that are obviously vibrating at a high frequency, people I can learn from, people I can give to. I truly believe, in a way, that we are the sum of all our experiences. We become what we experience. If we learn from every experience, we take that knowledge with us to tackle the next one and the next one. And this is how I am hoping to build this self-discipline. Start out small and work my way up. It’s so easy to use the avoidance behavior, but challenging myself to really push myself into the realm of getting things done is going to be rewarding.

Upon unearthing these Pavlina articles, the Do it Now article comes to mind. I used to think about building self-discipline, but I neve really took that step towards doing it. I would think about how great it would be, getting some sort of emotional high off that, and then sink back down to my low-awareness living. In a way, I was what you would call a self-help junkie. To my credit, I have made significant strides in the past year-and-a-half, but it is just the tip of the iceberg. I remain patient with myself and keep working towards where I see myself. These things do not happen overnight and I accept it. But actually (and I do mean actually) taking steps in the right direction is something that will become easier the more I do it. And I just need to think of the benefit it will have on everyone in my reality. It will lead the world and the universe towards great changes. It will offer solutions to common problems we now experience. And if I do not do this, I know I will have wasted my life.

This is something I am truly passionate about, something many people may have a hard time understanding, but there comes a time in my life where I need to pursue the goals that are right for me, no matter what others think. And what I am doing is such a noble purpose that if anyone has a problem with it, they resist the idea themselves. Maybe my ego is getting involved a little, hoping there are some profound quotes with my name at the bottom in the future (and always in italics). But I know I have the ability to make some significant strides and the first step is to build a comepetency for what I am doing and how to make a living doing so. And then, the fun begins. Wish me luck.

The more I think about this negative world, the more I create negativity. The more I am open to the possibility of good and love, the more of it I see. The closer I get to a purpose for my life, a strong ideal, the more empowered I become. The further I try and live a fulfilling life, one that I can look back on and feel I contributed a large amount, the more at peace I become. The longer I procrastinate on all of this, the further away I push my peace away. The longer I use feeble excuses to mitigate what I should be doing, the less time I have to complete my goals. And if I do not contribute my life to serving the greater good, the lofty ideal in my heart, I have wasted my life.

Ghandi said, “You must be the change you want to see in the world.” I completely agree with that. If you want people to change, wouldn’t it make sense that you have to make those same changes first? You have to lead by example. You cannot claim to be an activist for the environment while buying things that pollute the environment. You should not preach something you do not practice yourself. That just leads to incongruencies. It’s like me preaching the benefits of the Atkins diet, even though I have never experienced it myself. Even if I know all about the diet, I still have not experienced it. Viewing something fromt he outside is totally different from experiencing something from the inside.

There are definitely things in this world that need to change. I am sure most people can list at least ten things they would like to change in this world. But just talking about it doesn’t change the situation. For example, let’s say you are a wage slave at a job you hate and you complain about your job to your friends, your family, your co-workers, and everyone under the sun. That just adds to the negativity you are already feeling and offers no solution. Now let’s say you quit that job to pursue more meaningful work. You stopped worrying so much about playing it safe and decided to go all or nothing towards a purpose you have in mind for your life. And even though you may fail initially, even the failure is more rewarding than the highest success at that previous job. And even though you haven’t got it figured out yet, you enjoy the path you are on and embrace all of its twists and turns.

If you die with your music still in you, your life will most likelly be filled with regret. Think of how many people could have benefitted from your hypothetical life of service. But because you chose to take the road everyone else takes, without any real meaning except meeting your physical needs, you stagnate at a certain mental level, a certain level of consciousness, and you remeain there for the rest of your life. It is a choice to grow. It is a choice to pursue a higher purpose. It is also a choice to sit back and do nothing. But in every choice you make, you are the one who is responsible. Stop playing the victim. Start imagining possibilities. Do some soul searching. Stop watching television. Find your passion. Empower yourself. Deprogram your social considioning. It’s all here in this pamphlet.

Make changes that will not just benefit you, but the world as well. If we leave one thing after we die, wouldn’t it be nice to have a net positive effect on the planet? If you add up all your positive actions and subtract the negative ones, you would most likely want your actions towards the greater good outmatch the evil or inconsequential acts, wouldn’t you? You should strive to be someone who embraces abundance and has no problem being generous. It is a complete shift in mindset that will cultivate these changes. It is a complete shift in actions that will supplement these changes.

You can be the change in the world. Even if you think what you do doesn’t matter on a large scale (like reducing your ecological footprint), still do it anyway. Your model may inspire others to do so and that could lead to a revolution. It will be like a positive spiral upward. When people see your passion, your energy, your resilience, and your guts, they will wonder where you got all of this from. And when they are truly ready to listen, you can tell them how to lead richer, more fulfilling lives. You can be the navigator. You can give your vast experience to others. You can be the model for service to the highest good of all. Or you can stay at that dead-end job. You can work like a dog your whole life at a job you hate and die unhappy. It is up to you. Both paths are neither right nor wrong. It’s just one is more empowering than the other. Your choice.

This is something I composed while sitting in my backyard outside in 100 degree heat (in the shade). I was in a very natural kind of mood, so here is the excerpt from my rant:

There are millions/billions of things going on in a small patch of grass, but we are so concerned with ourselves we never take the time to explore. I feel more at peace when I am away from physical, man-made constructs. In a way, I feel home. Pulling weeds is insane. Weeds are one of the most adaptive plants out there, as it can grow with hardly any nourishment. Why is it we are compelled to destroy that which we believe is undesirable? Without human beings, the world would be covered in these “weeds,” as we call them. I don’t even think the weeds know they are undesirable. So they are most likely shocked when we pull them, a sort of, “Who the hell do you think you are, taking my life with absolutely no justification for doing so, other than the fact you do not find me ascetically pleasing?” Imagine if we did that with our children. All ugly children get killed and are thrown away. And who are we as a species to make the judgment as to what stays and what goes? Who the hell do we think we are?

P.P.P.S. Writing on paper takes up way more space than typing on the computer. These paragraphs looked much bulkier outside. I’d blame the heat exhaustion.

I am currently working on a set list for Monday and Tuesday as I will be performing at the Comedy Cabana on those two days. I feel pretty good about it, and I have a feeling my set will be dynamite. I usually do well at comedy club settings, but in other, non-comedy settings such as coffee houses and generic open mics, I often fail to capture the mood of the crowd, as they are more musical and poetry-reading oriented. Some people like to do that sort of thing and I’m fine with it. It’s just I feel like they have all this music and then, “Oh, by the way, we have a comedian.”

It is probably good experience anyway because I will encounter resistant crowds in the future, no doubt, and I will have to figure out a way to deal with them. But I am not so bad at thinking on my toes. When I was up in Rhode Island, I did a couple coffee shops and ended up totally scrapping my planned material and just commented on the room and talked about how the jokes I tried did not work. I got some gigantic laughs. I’ve been studying comedy for over five years now and what I’ve learned is that if you are not doing so well and do not acknowledge that, you will come off as ignorant. At least if you say something, as I did, “Someone better get over here and get me off this stage.” I kind of dragged out everything I did. Part of the problem was the house I was living in was not very conducive to coming up with a solid set that I could memorize. See the previous post for details. No central air, nowhere to really sit at a table to concentrate, constant distractions, and the heat was unbearable.

In order for me to concentrate fully, I need a quiet, calm, and comfortable atmosphere, like the one I harbor at home. And when I rehearse my act, I need to be alone. People always asking, “What are you doing? Why are you talking to yourself?” I need about a three-hour uninterrupted block of time to get into the “zone.” I could not do that in Rhode Island. The way my friend’s mind worked, we always had to be doing something external to my comedy. We had to go here to pick up this, we had to eat something, we had to pick up his drug-addicted girlfriend (which I will not comment on further). So it was no wonder I went onstage twice unprepared, not to mention that I was so exhausted because I could not get a deep sleep in such a humid environment. My condition calls for at least eight to ten hours of sleep for me to function normally, or at least close to normal. But if I were to tell him that, he’d look at me like I was from Mars.

It was the whole always having to be “on” that got to me. I need time to unwind and to get myself in a mental mood to do things, and there was just no time. I am not someone who can live life on the edge, completing millions of arduous and trivial tasks just for the sake of doing so. I carefully choose the actions I take in advance because I know what is important to me and what is simply not worth it. As a small example, I no longer go to movies much because most of them are severely disappointing. The only movies I will go see are the ones I am sure will be worth my time and money. When you are away from home, you end up doing things that you realize were not worth your time. I saw two movies I was utterly disappointed in and could have spent my time doing much more enlightening activities. For some reason, since I began this journey into self-exploration, entertainment does not do it for me anymore. Or maybe it is just the quality has dwindled so far down it’s just not worth it.

All I really know for sure is that I am ready to get on with my life. Overcoming obstacles is something I am now too familiar with and the only thing I can do now is take it easy. I need to work on comedy, work on getting my degree, and learn to embrace my life the way I was always meant to. It is a shame that some people will never break their mental model of reality to truly live the life of their dreams, but I know I am currently on that path, and the path is just as rewarding as the destination. Joy in the present trumps suspended joy in the future. That is all.