AndrewBrunelle.com

I have been reading a lot of different websites about a lazy way to success and it really inspired me to think about how I look at success and how we view work vs. fun. Here is what I came up with, but it’s not complete yet:

People think that they only way to success is through hard work. Hard work. That doesn’t sound very good, does it? Hard work is not something anyone looks forward to, I’m sure. All of these things I’ve been reading have said that it’s not working hard that grants success, but working from your passion, your strengths. And enjoying every step of the way. Enjoy the process. Don’t set your happiness off in the distant future. Enjoy the path itself. This is why people have so much trouble grasping success. Success isn’t some external validation of your talents, success is inside of yourself. If you are happy, healthy, and comfortable and you do what you enjoy every day and you avoid doing the things you hate to do, you are successful in your own right.

The whole thinking about success is usually given to someone who makes a lot of money and it’s true to some extent if the person who has the money isn’t miserable and didn’t have to step over a hundred people to achieve that success. If you want true success, you have to harmonize yourself with the world and you don’t want to step over anyone to become successful. A truly successful person will try to make it so everyone can achieve the same level of success. People who are successful are not taken aback by external circumstances very much because e their level of inner peace is so grand that it rivals anything that will come in its path.

Here’s a side note on the nature of this blog: I know this blog hasn’t been “funny” very much lately, but it’s only because I’m going through some major life shifts mentally and physically and I’m coming into myself much more than I even have before. I’m learning constantly about various subjects and I’m enjoying myself so much in self-exploration that the joy I have is better than any joke I could tell right now. So, if you come to this website for a cheap laugh, you will most likely be disappointed. But if you want to get a look inside someone who is very funny, but also very insightful and intuitive, you will enjoy this blog. My previous blog tried to start out as a comedy blog as well, but it eventually became the same kind of philosophical, purpose-driven blog. If you want to read it, the link is here.

My next step for this blog is the arduous task of linking blog posts together at the bottom of each entry. I don’t know how long this will take me, but I’ve got an entire life to do this. It’s one of those things where I wish I would have done it as I go, but I just didn’t. So now I have to go through over 100 posts or so and link them to other posts synonymously and it will probably take months. But “the time is going to pass anyway.” That’s one of my favorite quotes from Steve Pavlina. It’s so true it almost begs for you to get off your ass and do something.

But I’m feeling good, feeling great, about the way the blog is progressing. I like how I usually can come up with at least five or so a week and it only takes me maybe a half-hour to forty-five minutes to write a post of this length or more. I’m writing for both myself and the people who read it. This blog is definitely a tool for expression of self and sharing new ideas, or old ones with a different spin on them, to the world.

But I’m not going to do anything overkill. I’ve got plenty of time to get this all done. There are no deadlines. I don’t have to rush. I may even buy a hammock, as I mentioned in a previous post. So, if this blog ever does become successful, it will have done so in a lazy way. And I appreciate that. Being a Type-Z personality, which leades to more relaxations,  is quite a great way to go through life. Now all I have to do is find a lazy way to support myself financially. Maybe I’ll become a freelance journalist/writer. It’s definitely what I love to do. Why would I be writing this right now if I didn’t enjoy it? It’s not like I have to meet a quota or anything.

I know that often my posts don’t have a narrow focus, but you know, neither do I. So I want to share with you a story about a fruit I bought yesterday. Think of it as a post within a post. You’ve seen picture within picture on TV and if you’re familiar with programming, your familiar with nested loops, so here we go:

I’m scared as hell. I’ve heard so much about the health benefits of pomegranates, so yesterday, after some of my co-workers convinced me, I bought one for $2.50. A high price, but I figured it would be worth it. I also heard that it’s a challenge to eat one. So I figured I’d better research it. It turns out that you have to do all these steps and the juice is so potent it will stain anything it touches and it’s recommended to eat it naked. But it even stains your skin, so you’d better eat it as part of an out-of-body-experience. So, there it is, sitting on my countertop, taunting me, laughing in my face. It knows I don’t want to be up to the challenge. But I have to know. I have to know if it’s as good as people say it is. Supposedly it takes almost an hour to consume. So I may wait until Wednesday to eat it because at least I’ll have the whole day to myself. I may have to quit my job if I like them enough because it will probably take five to six hours out of my week. I’ll update you on that situation later.

Well, it’s about time for me to do something, although I’m not sure what. It certainly won’t be writing on this blog. I’ll add links to this post before it goes out, and I’m done writing here for the day. I’ve got to go to work today, but I most likely won’t work to hard. It’s a good thing I get paid by the hour and not by how hard I work because right now, there really is no motivation to work hard anyway. Okay, I’ve rambled long enough. Peace.

This is a post about being yourself, no matter how weird you may be, as long as it doesn’t result in harm to others. Here’s the low down. We are all weird in some way. Some much more than others, but the fact remains that we all have these innate strange qualities that most people would find either weird or troubling. So if you like to dance naked while listening to Sounds of the Rainforest while asl wearing clown makeup, you shouldn’t be ostracized because of that, you should be embraced. One of the greatest examples of embracing weirdness is creative genius Andy Kauffman.

 Post edit: apparently I just lost the rest of this post when I sent it. I had some really bizarre questions I was going to ask customers at my work, but they’re all gone now. There was also some other things, but I really don’t feel like retyping it, so here are some weird questions and that’s it: “What do you think the world would be like if ants were our size?” “Have you ever done any astral travel?” “I’d like you to interperet a dream for me. Okay, so I’m on the top of Mount Rushmore and…” “Do you think in the future that there won’t be any need for shopping carts because we’ll have mastered gravity so well that our groceries will rotate around us at considerable speeds?” “What would happen if I just started taking all of these plastic bags and putting them all over the store, yelling, ‘I’m the one who’s in charge now.’?” “Do you know where I can purchase a neutron microscope that’s capable of seeing subatomic particles and will allow me to find the power to make a nuclear reactor capable of running my house at a much lower cost than conventional electricity?” “Do you dance naked listening to Sounds of the Rainforest while putting clown makeup on when no one else is in the house?” That’s all for me. Peace.

I’ve been reading Steve Pavlina’s Personal Development Blog for over a year now and I’ve come to incorporate him into my daily routine. He, in a way, inspired me to make my own blog and really embrace my passion for writing. I felt that when I initiated this blog, that it would be all comedy and comedy-related items, but I’ve grown quite a bit since then. This is not just a comedy blog. This is a collaboration of my daily thoughts, instincts, and routines. This is me uncensored. I don’t put up a fake front. I don’t say things just to get a laugh. I do it to connect with an audience. But it’s not just about that. It also fulfills me to write and get feedback o n how a particular article helped someone.

Right now I’m in the midst of re-philosophizing my life. I’ve been reading some very interesting literature as of late and it’s starting to make a dent in my consciousness. I haven’t watched more than five hours of TV in the last month, except for the week I had a visitor who was more than happy to just sit there and watch. I’ve tried to improve my diet substantially. I’m trying to naturalize it completely. Fresh fruits and vegetables, homemade juices, rich and hearty whole grains, tasty nuts, and plenty of water. I have been reading on how eating just these essential foods is a blessing for the planet and all of existence, not to mention the massive health benefits. I’ve been slowing things down significantly. By that, I mean I haven’t been working very hard at work, partly because it’s not tourist season, and also partly because I’ve noticed that rushing causes immense stress and no one should ever have to be subjected to it. I’ve learned the value of honesty and trust. I know myself more today than ever before. However, when I first started this ongoing process, it was like meeting myself for the first time.

I started this process off by closely examining myself and all areas of my life. I chose to accept each of them, followed by indicating which parts of my life need work. There were quite a few, but I took the approach that I have my whole life to do this, so there shouldn’t be any rush. The first aspect of my life I chose to revamp was my eating habits. I don’t know what motivated me to do such a thing, but I had heard so many studies that linked diet to well-being and peace of mind. Right now I’m in the midst of working towards a cruelty-free diet. But I’m not completely ready to make the transition yet. I still enjoy some animal products, but I’m moving towards animal-free living. The first thing I decided to avoid was dairy products. To be honest, I never really cared for milk, but I had a feeling it would he hard to give up cheese, ice cream, whipped cream, and yogurt. But I avoid them now as much as possible. They really don’t sit will with me, compared to when I don’t eat them.

When it came time to look at my spiritual beliefs, I had some sort of baseline I was more on the agnostic front, meaning I believed in a God or supernatural being, but was not completely sure of its nature. As a matter of fact, I thought nature was the being. Mother Nature and the energy force the world has in it. Then I was introduced to this belief system that explains quite a lot of different situations. It’s called subjective reality. Here’s how it works: There is only one, distinct, shared consciousness. I am that consciousness. My thoughts have power to change things or keep them the same. My dominant thoughts are what creates my reality. Everyone and everything is a projection of consciousness. I am not just my body, but everything I directly experience. There was also the notion about whether or not people exist when you’re not aware of them. How can you prove it? You can’t because it order to prove this, you would have to become aware of the person or object you’re thinking about. This doesn’t mean that it’s true, but it has to remain open as a possibility.

When we’re born, we’re told the world works a certain way. As a child, we sit through all kinds of lectures in classrooms for six hours a day, being fed mostly propaganda that states you have to work hard to be successful, you need to study hard to do well on tests, you need to be independent instead of interdependent. We’re told of something called success and something called money, both foreign concepts to us at the time, and we believe whatever someone says about it because we don’t know any better. And these thoughts become our beliefs. For example, a child brought up in a Catholic family is instilled with beliefs about heaven and hell, birth and death, Jesus Christ, and the Almighty God. We believe it because we don’t know any other belief system. And since the foundation has been formed for these beliefs, you stick with them. Maybe even for your whole life. Why? Because actually questioning your beliefs and eventually dumping them will destroy all the hard work and long hours you invested into this belief system and it would take a time of confusion and desperation as you look for another way to find meaning in your life.

You sometimes have to go down to move on to a higher level. Let’s take the Catholic example. You’ve been Catholic for thirty years and you find you only go to church because you don’t want other people wondering why you’re not there. It becomes a habit, a routine. It has no real meaning to it. So you want so desperately to leave as this ritual no longer fulfills you. But you wait years to make the move. You research other religions, you look inside yourself to find some sort of way to cope with life. But you still go to mass every Sunday and listen to the things you no longer believe in. Then one day you stop. You stop going. People are calling you up frantically, “Where are you?” And you try so hard not to break their hearts, but you have to say it, “Going there doesn’t fulfill me anymore. I need to find something better.” You worry about the gossip, and other people outside of your awareness mocking you, wondering where you are this week. But you’re creating that. You thinking about that is a creation of what you fear.

But let’s say you get turned on to the whole subjective reality concept along with the Law of Attraction. The Law of Attraction states that your dominant thoughts are what manifests. So if you have conflicting thoughts about getting married, your dominant ones will find a way to manifest, either by a cancellation or through a messy divorce/annulment. In this type of belief system, you no longer care what people think about you because they are also a part of you. So if someone thinks you starting your own business is a bad idea, it’s only because part of you feels the same way. And I find this model to be quite accurate. And it’s very empowering because it forces you to take complete responsibility for your own life and the lives of others. And you can go two ways. Either negative or positive. You can either think good about other people or badly, but by doing so, you’ll only perpetuate the reputation of those people. People who hate others really hate a part of themselves. I definitely feel this way when it comes to me. Which is why I am trying to move myself in harmony with loving all of nature, all of the universe. Because by doing that, I will come to completely and fully love myself.

I’ve come into contact with the concept of unconditional love. If you believe that everything is a projection of your consciousness, you will indeed love everything in your awareness unless you don’t actually love yourself that much. But this isn’t loving yourself from the ego perspective, but just a form of universal acceptance and appreciation for everything you’ve created. I’m still laying the groundwork for this belief system, but my passion and motivation are sky-high when I apply it directly to the task at hand. This is not a paper written for a specific audience, but just the self-expression of an amazing feeling I have from within. Things are looking my way, our way.

It’s the whole saying “Do one to others as you do them to yourself.” This is true to the last word. If you help others, in this belief system, you’re actually helping yourself. The same goes for the negative. This sort of thinking should erase all fear and doubt. If you have the ability to create whatever kind of life you want, then go out there and do it. If you want to overcomplicate things, then be my guest, but the way I see the world will bring me some interesting results.

When I woke up today, looking at my keyboard, the letters P-O-V-E-R-T-Y just glared at me, so I guess I should talk about poverty for some reason.  Now I can’t really say I’ve experienced extreme poverty personally, but I have seen those who have and I may have some supposed solutions.  Poverty is entirely a state of mind.  Always thinking you won’t have enough, always wondering where your next meal will come from, and not really knowing what the future will hold for you.  I know this can be very frustrating, but poverty-promoting thinking will do nothing to get you out of the current state that you are in.  I know this mindset is especially hard to break, even moreso in the families that experience generational poverty.  But it’s the constant thinking about your impoverished situation that perpetuates the cycle and there is a way to stop it, but it takes quite a bit of conscious effort.  Let me share a personal story about state of mind:

I was seventeen and had just gone through the most intensive brain surgery known to man.  I was going through radiation treatments, which caused me to lose all my hair and I had a gigantic window-shaped scar on the back of my head.  I was in excruciating pain every day and I could barely even function.  I remember that there was a period after the radiation and after my initial “feeling good” period, I sunk back down into a state of pain and depression.  I was constatly hurting, my eyes were so pressurized, I considered not going to school every day.  It was around that time that I learned to alter my state of mind in order to create a better life for myself.  The first thing I did to do this was to remove most of my negative thoughts.  I wish I could have removed all of them, but some of them kept coming back.  Every time I had a negative thought, I changed it into thinking in a positive way.  Then I started imagining my circumstances as getting better, moving in a positive direction.  I did not deny that I was in pain, as denial is something that will help nothing, but I imagined that every day I wake up feeling that much better.  I started this and after the first two weeks, I was feeling slightly better.  Then I kept going, as persistance is very important in situations like this.  Eventually, I started visualizing detailed visions of myself feeling great, jumping around with unbridled enthusiasm.  And by Christmas (about two monts after I started this), I was feeling almost perfect.  I continued to use this tactic for much of my life since, but it is very hard to gain conscious control of your thoughts.  It takes practice and it’s easy to stop once you got the result you want, but it is good to try and focus your energy on positive circumstances.

Poverty is not just a lack of money.  It can be a lack of information, a lack of health, a lack of understanding, a lack of anything.  And to really be effective at breaking this scarcity mindset, you must envision your perfect scene and imagine that every day, your situation is moving closer and closer towards your goal.  Look at things in a positive light, not a negative one.  Begin with the end in mind, but don’t forget to do the first thing first.  Plant your seed of abundance.  Surely, if you align yourself with what you want, you will soon enough get it.

Here’s one problem I’ve been having with this whole mindset.  If I want something, I have to make sure that I really want it.  I can’t just think I want it, because it won’t manifest that way it should.  For example, I tried thinking about getting millions and millions of dollars, but I really couldn’t see any merit in doing that because I don’t believe it is what I really need.  Sure, it would be nice to not have to work, but I don’t need 100 million dollars to accomplish that feat.  So I brought my money goal down a bit because I just need enough to live comfortably and be able to express myself full-time.

I hear that money makes you more of who you already are.  And I agree with that statement.  Money allows you to do things that you were previously too timid to do because of the fear of not having enough money.  Same thing with knowledge.  Sometimes people are timid to get into a conversation because of lack of knowledge about the topic.  So they just don’t do anything.  In the past nine months, I have accumulated such a wealth of information about various subjects that it is probablly exponentially more than I learned in college.  Now, I’m not saying college is bad, it is just very limited.  There is always more learning out there.  Albert Einstein had a great quote:  “I never let my education interfere with my learning.”  So if you do experience a lack of knowledge, please start learning today.

We can all work on these things.  Don’t use the excuse, “I don’t have enough time.”  That’s a total cop-out.  You don’t have time to improve your life, but you have time to watch Survivor and Lost (no link necessary).  We all have time.  What do you think technology has doen for us?  It’s made certain tasks either on autopilot or faster to do, so I really can’t understand how we now are looking for meaningless ways to fill our lives, when we could be using that additional time learning more and getting into a better situation.  It’s time for me to take a nature walk :-).

I haven’t really been working on my comedy very much lately.  I don’t know what it is, but it’s just that I feel like I have some sort of block in my head when it comes to thinking up funny stuff all the time.  I have come up with a few jokes, but they haven’t been that spectacular, but I thought one of them was pretty good, I guess:  “Whenever someone sees a baby, they like to talk to it with some crazy high pitched voice, ‘Oh, did you have a good nap?’  I’m not like that.  I just talk to it.  ‘When are you gonna get a job?’”  I guess it’s a little misleading, but whatever.  I’m not here to impress anyone, just to get all these thoughts out.  I also came up with another joke yesterday, but I’m sure it won’t strike a chord with many audiences, as most people don’t know what an astral projection is.  But here it goes anyway:  “I used to have a job on the astral plane.  It was a bitch to get there.  The traffic…” 

These are jokes in their rawest form.  I actually thought of a joke in a dream.  I don’t know if i wrote about it yet, as I don’t even read my own blog.  No, I haven’t, I’m pretty sure.  It goes something like this.  “I had a dream that I thought of a really funny joke.  Here’s how it went.  ‘Sometimes I like to wander around aimlessly for days, even months.  One time I ended up in Montana and I didn’t know how to get home.  So I called 911.  She asked me ‘Where are you?’  I said, ‘I don’t know.”  Well, it was funny in my dream.”  It went something to that effect.  But I’m working on another joke of some sort about work and how when it’s check day, you have like this feeling that if you don’t get your check that moment that it’s suddenly going to disappear into thin air.  It’s like you walk into work and you ask if you can have your check and they say, “Wait a minute.”  So you do, but while you’re waiting, you’re thinking, “This is taking too long.  I need my check now.”  And you keep waiting, but you start getting more nervous.  And then they finally start looking for it, but they can’t seem to find it right away, so youget more and more nervous.  “Maybe it’s not in there.  Maybe those bastards forgot to mail my check.”  And eventually they find it and everything’s okay.  Except your state of mind.

Maybe something like that, but I can’t be sure.  I write all of these ideas on scraps of paper while I either work or just sit around.  I catalogue them in my word processor in a category called New Jokes Excellent.  Then I color code them for how good I think they are, but I feel like whenever I come up with a new joke, I usually think that it’s really good right away, but then my liking for it fades over time.  I have trouble organizing them or making a set list.  I don’t know what it is, but I feel like organization is not one of my strong points, but that’s kind of good for the ADD age.  People will forget what you were talking about a minute ago anyway, so what’s the point in going into any type of story?  I like to create jokes that exist in time and space and expand, like the universe.  I don’t tell long jokes because I feel like they kind of have too many filler words and filler jokes to get to the last joke.  Besides, I’m not that good at act-outs.  I’m better at explaining things through my descriptive nature.  Although detail isn’t wnat people always want, I feel like I can use words and gestures to completely explain my state of being.

But I feel like I am in the minority when it comes to fear of public speaking.  It doesn’t really trouble me too much.  I know there is no real danger, especially if I’m in a crowd of people I’ve never met before.  They’re not going to ever see me again, for the most part, so if I totally piss them off, no big deal ,right?  But coming up with a logical sequence of jokes has been a real challenge for me.  The problem is that if I have some sort of sequence where joeks that follow one another are like each other, I can sort of remember them better.  but if I just have these absract thoughts coming one after another, it becomes increasing harder to remember which jokes goes where, which will ultimately add to significantly more rehearsal time.

People have compared me to Steven Wright and Jerry Seinfeld, but I don’t really think I fall into those categories.  I certainly think a lot like Wright and have some other thoughts sort of  like Jerry, but I am my own unique entity.  I have separate and distinct thought patterns from them.  I don’t really think on the same wavelength as them, but my styles are similar in some way. 

The biggest thing I want to preach in comedy is honesty.  I will only tell jokes that I honestly think are funny to both me and a supposed audience.  Sure, the audience in my imagination is usually much more open than the one I will naturally come in contact with.  They also tend to alugh a bit more, but there’s no denying their existence, eventually.  I really wish I could do stand-up in the morning though because I feel I’m at my best for on-the-fly jokes, as I can naturally bring a progression of thoughts much better.  I just don’t know any comedy club that would have a sufficient audience at that hour.

Comedy is really an exercise is self-exploration.  All the jokes I tell come from deep inside of me.  I don’t know where they come from exactly, but the factory that makes them can sometimes be defective, but I have ways to rectify the problem.  But the neurons in my brain that work so hard to connect seemingly unrelated objects into pure hilarity sure deserve some credit.  The rest of the credit is due to external things and just general observations.  I’ve been working really hard at what I do and performing, even to a small group of ten to fifteen people is a joy.  I sometimes even perform for my family. 

I know I’m funny.  All my friends in college would tell other people my jokes when i wasn’t around, and they’d tell me about it.  And I’m pretty protective of my jokes, so I asked them, “Did you use a works cited page linked to me?”  I would have friends who would use my catchphrases and other things.  One of the saying I would often use is, “This is why we can’t have nice things.”  Another one was “deliciously” describing things like “deliciously evil, decliciously absurd, etc.”  But it was the spirit of everything.  I always had something to say and for the most part it was funny.  I would often make up things on the spot, as I pretty much felt that it was my duty to do so. 

But now I feel like it’s too limited just to be funny.  I also want to be intelligent.  I’ve decided to go back to college on a semi-regular basis.  Possibly three to four classes and working towards a degree.  I probably think the degree with be in mathematics, but it doesn’t really matter to me.  As long as I have a degree, I guess.  Then I may go for a masters in communication.  I don’t know.  It all depends what happens with this whole comedy thing.  I will always love comedy and I will always write comedy, not to mention, I will always write, period.  So no matter what I end up doing, be it comedy or writing, or some crazy math job, I’m always going to work on my passion, whether or not it generates income for me.  Generating income from my passion would be nice, as I will be in total control of my life, unlike working for an evil bovine master.  So with all respect, it would ba amazing to be able to leverage my ability to make people laught, but I’m not all about that.  Part of me is that.  But the rest of me wants to stimulate the mind and I do that in my comedy, but I feel like I have more to give as well, so bear withme if this blog isn’t always funny or always making you laugh because I feel that just making people laugh will make you become one of those one-dimensional people.  Until next time, peace.

I am not trying to talk about anyone specific, but there are these types of people out there that only represent one thing and it’s really sad.  Like I’m sure there are a lot of comedians that only do comedy and don’t do anything else and that’s a shame.  Comedy is a way of life, definitely, but it’s not something I want to base my entire life around.  I need balance.  I need to focus on things that have nothing to do with comedy sometimes.  For example, I sometimes work on developing my intuition or my versatility.  I work on developing myself, growing.  I like to write serious things as well.  I like working hard to understand myself to the point that I know exactly what I’m capable of and what I can accomplish and I push myself constantly to achieve what I want to achieve. 

I like to relax, and sometimes when I’m with hyperactive people, I sometimes need a break.  It’s like they’re saying, “Let’s do this, let’s do that, let’s go here, let’s go there.”  And I’m like, “Can we take a break between all of this?”  I feel like some people are all about occupying their mind constantly, which is terrible for becoming more than you are.  I spent an entire week this week watching movies with my friend who stayed here for a week or so.  He was so into always doing something, but the something that we were doing wasn’t really worth it.  It was very demotivating because I had made a lot of progress by not watching TV, but because he had to be constantly entertained, it wasn’t really meaningful entertainment.  It was not a bad experience, but it could have been more meaningful in the sense that if he was on the same vibrational path as me, but I have a feeling that he’s not going to ever make it up here.  And I can’t do naything to help him because he’s so into his lifestyle now and it’s so stable that he probably is afraid to disconnect.

God I hate people who just don’t get it.  They have no idea why they are on this planet or why they do what they do.  I don’t like people who drown out their sorrows in alcohol, drugs, and TV.  I don’t like it when people just don’t care about what’s going on in their lives.  I just don’t think one-dimensional people really know what’s going on.

People have to develop different parts of their lives to become whole.  You can’t spend your entire life just working on one thing all the time.  You can’t wake up every day and do the same thing.  I don’t think that’s an effective way to live and maybe if we learn to work on different parts of our life, then we can finally become ourselves.

I guess I should close with a joke:  Last night I had a dream that I was thinking of a joke.  “I sometimes wander around aimlessly for hours.  One time I ended  up in Utah.  I didn’t know where I was, so I called 911.  They said, ‘Where are you?’  I said, ‘That’s what I’m trying to find out.’  Well, it was funnier in my dream.”

My job is a pyramid scheme.  It may not look like one from the outside, but on the inside, it does.  There’s one guy at the top, a boss or whatever, then there’s like four or five people directly under him, whose main job is to do most of the managerial type work, then below that, there’s more customer service people than the managerial people, and then below that there are cashiers and baggers, whose numbers outlive the rest of the entire store.  There are some side jobs, like stocking and meat and dairy departments, but those are also mini pyramid schemes on a much smaller scale.  But here’s how they run.  The people at the top make the most money and it trickles down to the lowest job, which is actually the most physically demanding, and most likelly the person that doest he most work, but he makes much less than the people at the top who have it pretty good because they don’t have to do hardly any work.  So therein lies the problem.  People really need to stop having jobs like this where everyone gets taken advantage of except the person at the top.  That person stands for everything I hate.  Be back in a couple of days, but just thought I’d point this out.

I want to tell you a true story about eharmony.com.  I took seven and a half hours to fill out the Personality Profile.  It took me two and a half days in two and a half hour shifts.  It was so cumbedrsome and such a long time to spend on such a waste of time.  But I pressed through it.  I did it all.  I just wanted to see if there was anyone out there like me.  All these questions about who I am, who I want to be with, what’s going on in my head.  It was an adventure in self-exploration.

So I finish the profile and submit it and here’s the message I get:  Hello, thank you for filling out the personality profile.  “We’re very sorry, but around 1-2% of applicants are not considered acceptable for this type of service.  We wouldn’t want you to waste all your money on something that probably wouldn’t work for you.  We’re sorry, but you’re most likely doomed to a life of lonliness and solitude.”

So I decided to stop going on that website.  What does that say about me?  Am I really that different, that weird?  Am I so strange that even the strange people aren’t compatible with me?  Is that what this has come to?  I really think that’s what’s happened.  I’ve become so sheltered, so isolated, that people are a foreign policy to me.  I can’t relate to anyone, apparently.  Well, I guess I’ll never get married.  It’s too bad.  Well, I was hoping to have my wedding catered by the supermarket I work in.  The reception would be in Aisle 7.  Well, I guess that’s never going to happen for me.  Too bad.  But I still have some hope.  I’m sure there were people who filled it out before me who got the same response who would be completely compatible with me, but they just don’t know it because they’ve given up on eharmony as well.  I must say, though, there’s nothing like a dating website to show you who you really are.

So what should I do from here?  I’m looking for someone in my life who makes me smile and laugh and is attractive enough to not make me want to leave.  I need someone who relates to me the way I relate to the world.  I need someone with the same kind of feelings as me.  I think I’ve nailed it.  I need someone who hates people just as much as I do.  Where can I find such a person?  Most people like that are all alone in their house, watching TV or reading a spectacular book.  I’ll never meet these people at social occasions, unless they go there grudgingly.  It will have to  be a chance encounter in a supermarket or bookstore.  I’m reluctant to talk to people who I know have no head on their shoulders and no brain anywhere.  I need someone who gets me.  And when I find someone like that, maybe I can be okay.  We’ll see what happens in the near future.  Until then, I’m practicing comedy.

I’ve heard this so many times, I swear it’s a recurring theme in my like.  If something is your life, why would you want to spend it doing things that you don’t want to do?  Why would you want to work at a job you hate, doing meaningless work, to you at least, and never erally embracing the passion you hve for, say, needlepoint.  Sure, you may get to make a couple in your spare time, but you never really come to embrace your needlepoint passion and it remains dormant.  You never get any better because you don’t devote enough time to build up your needlepoint skills.  And this is a way of life that often prevents people from doing what they’re supposed to do.  Sure, I’m sure some people like their job because it’s what they feel they were meant to do.  I have a man working at my supermarket who absolutely loves working there.  He loves to help people find groceries they couldn’t find and always says, “It’s a pleasure to help you.  It’s always a joy to help somebody else.”  I guess he’s in the right line of work.  Then there are the people who work and they hate it so much, but they have to work to survive.  They gossip cosntantly about the people there and they usually don’t work there very long, but they just move on to some meaningless, boring job that doesn’t mainfest the fire and desire that it should.

Yesterday, I was working at the job I think is a waste of time, and I was just observing most of the people there.  Just watching the employees do their jobs and it was so autonomous, like ithey were some sort of robot.  I couldn’t get over how superficial the conversations were that they had with their customers.  “Oh, how are you?”  “Good. How are you?”  “Good.”  That was the extent of most of the conversations.  The way they work is very monotonous and they don’t seem to be getting any joy out of it.  I know most of the people working there are vibrating on a much lower frequency than me, so I guess they may not yet have the ability or consciousness to bring themselves out of this montony.  But there are a couple of people who just do it for the hell of it, retired people, people who have had meaningful jobs in the past, and those are the people I tend to gravitate towards because they often have better insights on life.  They know what they’re about and they know that they have already reached their passionate state previously in life and still carry some of it with them.

It’s no secret that my passion is comedy and humor.  That’s what I practice and what I preach.  There’s other dimensions to me, but comedy is the underlying theme.  I’m very eloquent in my speech as well, but I definitely love to observe people and just take some comedy out of it.  Maybe your passion is skateboarding, but you were never good enough to make the pro team.  Well, that doesn’t mean you can’t have fun doing it.  You could even start a skateboarding business.  If skateboarding is what you’re passionate about, go for it.

I”m sick and tired of people who hate their job, hate their life, hate this, hate that.  I just can’t stand being around those people.  You know, the ones that are always complaining.  “I didn’t get this, I didn’t get that.  I hate this person, I can’t stand that person.  I’m not working here anymore.”  Well, then leave!  Jesus Christ!  I’ve never seen such hostility.  But you have to get into doing things you love, even if you don’t know how to make money from it yet.  You have to build up your skills and eventually turn what you like to do into money.  it’s not that complicated.  Most of the successful people of the world would hardly call the way they make a living work.  They love to go “play” and get their projects done because tbey’re genuinely passionate about it.  They don’t have resentment towards the fact that they have to go “work.”  They’re fucking happy as hell just to have the opportunity to do it.  They even wake up early to start on their day.  These are the people you should strive to be like.  These are the people who are successful.  These are the people who still do the same job even after they make millions of dollars.

A great example from stand-up comedy is the great Jerry Seinfeld.  He made millions upon millions of dollars in the nine years he did Seinfeld and he’s still making residuals every day an episode airs.  So what do you think he’s doing now?  He’s performing stand-up codmedy all over the country, touring all around.  Does he do this for the money?  No, he does it because it’s the only thing he loves so much that money isn’t an intrinsic factor.  It’s not a factor at all.  He just loves doin git.  That’s the kind of motivation I’m talking about.

So here’s my challenge to you:  For the next five to six hours of your spare time, devote at least two of them to something you’e passionate about.  Something you love to do.  Something you would do if money wasn’t involved.  Just do it.  Nike.  Just kidding.  If you love to go for long walks in nature, then do it.  If you love to paint, even if you’re not good at it, do so.  Let your passion take hold of you and guide you to eternal bliss.  Learn all you can about your passion.  It won’t be work, it will be pure play.

I love going to bad movies.  Not just the run-of-the-mill bad movies, but the ones that Ebert and Roepper chopped their thumbs off.  The ones they use for torture in terrorist death camps.  Those are the movies I like to go see.  You know why?  Because if something is bad, I can talk to the people there with me about how bad it is.  It’s hilarious.  It’s like, “Hey, ths movie is awful, isn’t it?”  “Yeah, it sucks.”  And eventually, we go get our money back, not sit through the entire thing because I don’t give a shit how it ends.  All I care about it having the whole theater to myself.  I like to throw candy all over the place and yell random stuff out.  I remember when I went to go see, My Big Fat Greek Wedding.  What an awful movie!  I couldn’t believe how bad it was.  And then there’s Taladega Knights.  Oh, my God, was it awful.  I spent the whole movie laughing at how bad the plots and just how bad the acting was.  It was funny because it wasn’t funny at all.  I spent more time complaining at how bad it was, it made me laugh.  I hate people who actually like those movies, though.  I think I know what it is.  They’re trying to justify spending the money to go see it.  That’s a bunch of total crap.  If you didn’t like it, don’t lie to yourself and say you did just to make the expense sensical. 

I love going to bad movies, though.  Ones that people wouldn’t ever even bother going to, ever.  Although, the value of renting bad movies is pretty good as well.  Like if you were ever to rent Master of Disguise, you’ll know what I’m talking about.  The worst movie, ever, I think.  So bad and so worthless you had to laugh at the sheer volume of it, that someone would actually think this thing up and actually think it would do well at the box office.  That’s the real comedy in it all. 

I also hate people who say that generic products taste just as good as the name brand ones.  Like at a supermarket they have too versions of Frosted Flakes.  One of them is the Kellogg’s brand, and Tony the Tiger says, “They’re great!”  On the generic brand they have a cockroach saying, “They’re okay!”  And it’s a smaller box.  And they taste terrible.  Then there’s the people who say, “They taste the same.”  You know what the name for those people is?  Cheap bastard.  But stores are going to the absolute limit.  They actually have a generic brand of Gogurt and Triscuits.  Can you believe this?  The Gogurt is called “Grab ‘Ems” and the Triscuits are called “Wheat ‘Ems.”  How stupid is that?  They feel they have to compete with those companies, too?  I’m waiting for generic caviar or something.  Mmm mmm, the taste of generic fish eggs for 99 cents. 

I can’t wait until I get a hammock, though.  That is going to be so sweet.  I can just relax in it all day.  It’s like the ultimate relaxation furniture, if that’s what it’s classified as.  I wonder how much they cost, because I hear they’re pretty popular.  If I could get one that’s really comfortable, like the ones they make in Mexico, I’d be all set.  I had a friend in colllege who had his own dorm room and he had a gigantic hammock in there.  I was like, “Hot deal, man.  That’s awesome.”  What’s better than having one.  It’s so much better than stressing my back in a chair.  I’m going to check some prices on one and I’ll get one if it’s not too expensive.  I don’t need an iPod, I need a hammock.  Then I can practice Hammockology and become fucking awesome.  Well, let me know if you know how much a hammock costs.  I’m sure I can get a good one for less than $200 dollars.  But we’ll see.  See you later, peace.