AndrewBrunelle.com

I thought I would pay homage to my first ever blog post, entitled, Hello, World! Although it was an automatic post brought on by Wordpress, a way to get myself started on this blog, I am thankful for it, as it propelled me into the blogging world. Blogging is something many people do, but so few do it effectively. I am not one of the people who truly blogs effectively, because if I did, I would be making a decent income at it. I don’t know if making money blogging is something I seriously want to do anymore, mostly because I feel like there is more out there for me. You know, like blogging would be somehow limiting my abilities. So, this is more of a side project now, rather than a full-fledged ordeal. It is something I enjoy doing and will continue to do for the remainder of my life. How long it will be, I do not know, but getting somewhere in the range of 10,000 posts seems like a solid goal. Ten thousand quality posts that is.

Recently, I entered a comedy contest in my home city and placed in the top four and made it to the finals. I am looking forward to putting my comedy on in the next two weeks, when the finals are held. If I win, I get to emcee at the comedy club for a whole week, which means I will have to request that whole week off from work, but comedy is my dream and selling groceries is definitely nowhere near where I see myself in five, ten, and fifteen years from now. I have to get myself in tip-top shape for this competition, and it will take the best of my memory skills to pull off a victory, as I have no idea who I will be competing against, as more than half of the competitors were in a previous preliminary round. It is an endeavor worth fighting for, I believe. If I bring my A game, rather than my B or C game, I am quite sure I can place in the top three, if not win the whole thing. I just have to count on an audience as generous as last Monday. I also have to make sure I feel as good as I did when I went the previous time. I am starting to juice vegetables today and tomorrow, and throughout the next couple of weeks to boost my energy for the stage. To me, there is almost nothing better than getting a laugh from over one hundred people. Maybe winning the Powerball jackpot, but even if I won that, what would I do with all that money?

I am planning a voyage back to college next semester as well,and that will certainly eat up a lot of my plate, in terms of time and effort. Maybe it is still a good idea to go into teaching and do comedy on the side, but I am not completely sure. All I know is that I enjoy mathematics and I enjoy comedy, and I think I could teach mathematics to people in a funny way, a way that would allow them to remember it. I mean, in a perfect world, there would be a job for a mathematical comedian, but most people do not want to do equations while in a nightclub. I can see it now, me up there with a chalkboard, explaining that you cannot get blood from a stone, mathematically, that is, and most likely logically as well.

The only downside to working in a real comedy club is the smoke. I am adversive to smoking, I never lived in a household where anyone smoked while I was there, so spending over three and a half hours in a smoke-filled environment had some adverse effects on me the next day, but if I do not do it very frequently, and if I make a strong commitment to move back up to the northeast or to California, where smoking is no longer permitted in nightclubs, at least in most of them, I will be able to thrive as a comic anytime. I had bloodshot eyes the next day and the scratchiest throat I can remember. I will definitely have to take care of my self from a holistic standpoint if I want this comedy thing to really catch on. I have to have an immune system that could take down Hitler if he was a germ. George Carlin has some unorthodox ways to better your immune system. He says that, as a child, he swam in raw sewage, which is why he never contracted polio. Pretty intriguing if you ask me. If you ask someone else, that person is entitled to his/her opinion.

Comedy gives me a rush that only a true comedian can really understand. You cannot just imagine what it would feel like, you actually have to do it. If you do not do it, you will never get the feeling of being up there onstage, telling jokes to people you will probably never see again, unless you are really good. I’m sure other types of performers can say the same. Motivational speakers, musical performers, and everything else that gets up on a stage and starts spewing out whatever he/she wants to say. Because I am able to get up there, even if I would fail, I still take the experience at face value, evaluate it, and move on. The building blocks of success include failure, and I believe that getting through the stumbling blocks in unfamiliar fashion (i.e. pressing on, even when everyone tells you you’re crazy) will build character and allow for you to blossom at the end. Remember the story about the ugly duckling? He was ridiculed his whole life, until one day he became more beautiful than anything anyone would ever imagine. And this is my goal. And I am not just going to do comedy. I plan to inspire as well. Be a humorous inspirational speaker who motivates as well as demotivates in a humorous fashion.

I know that this will be hard work, but it is so worth it. If I can be one of those comics who has a show almost every night, is making a decent living, and has enjoyable relationships with family, friends, and other comedians/performers, I believe I may be the happiest person alive. It is something to strive for, but I will not rush myself. I still have to enjoy myself in the present. I will go at the pace I need to to feel happy and succeed in the fashion I feel is right. It is something all of us have at one point. A dream. It may not be as big as Martin Luther King’s dream, or Ghandi’s dream, but a dream that will fulfill us and make the world a better place is certainly worth going for, don’t you think?

The worst feeling ever is when you have a funny thought and forget it before you have a chance to write it down. Not just funny thoughts, too. Profound thoughts, like, “Did I lock my keys in my car again?” That makes absolutely no sense, but I’ll go on from here. This is a solid foundation for a wonderful post. Why would someone write down a question like that? Anyway, I find that writing down any important thoughts I have, be them comedy or otherwise, prove to be invaluable. Later I can archive them into my database of thoughts, which further and further brings me closer to finding out exactly who I am. Not from an ego perspective, but from a self perspective. I know who my ego is, but getting into the self is something that is much more challenging. My thoughts help me go into a positive direction towards figuring this all out.

Everone is different in some way, but then again, we are all the same in other ways. But I believe, at a fundamental level, we are all one. We are all the same collective consciousness. And this includes everything we experience. Not just human beings, as we tend to think of ourselves as so much more important as the other species on this planet. They are all part of us as a whole as well. I remember this thing I heard from somewhere about how if you are ever mad at someone or criticize someone, it is really that part of you that you are resisting. Like if you work in an office building and you notice one of your employees is not doing his/her job effectively, perhaps working on your own effectiveness will ease the problem. If someone is driving you crazy, it is not their behavior that is driving you crazy, but your reaction to this person’s behavior. You can choose to accept the “gift” or not. And if you do not accept the gift, to whom does the gift belong?

I don’t know if you got that reference, but if not, there was a story about the Buddha and some young hothead who kept spewing insults at the Buddha. The Buddha remained calm and eventually the hothead walked away, frustrated. The man who was hurling the insults did not have a receiver of them because the Buddha decided to decline them. Therefore, the receiver of the insults was the young man who was hurling them. I really like this story because it is just amazing how simplistic it is, and yet it brings across such a powerful message. But I feel that most things that have powerful messages are simplistic. Otherwise, their message would be convoluted in a pile of rules and regulations.

Following that natural progression of thought, if you love someone, it really means you love that part of yourself. The same goes for hate, despise, and whatever else you can think of. If you completely and fully accept yourself, then you will completely and fully accept everyone unconditionally, to the degree you accept yourself unconditionally. I hope that make ssense. Even if the outside world tells you that you’re not good enough, that you need to do more, all that matters is what is inside yourself. And once you open the door to accepting everyone for who they are, people will eventually accept you for who you are. It may take a little while for everyone to accept you, but it takes awhile for anything new to manifest in your life, so be patient.

Accept things as they are and move to grow from them. If you resist your current situation in the present, then you are creating more of that for yourself. Embrace every moment you have on this planet because the time is limited, at least in a physical sense. Once you start accepting your current circumstances (the truth, whole truth, and nothing but the truth), then you can move on to actually bettering your circumstances. You will never be able to grow from denial because denying what you have right now is lowering your awareness. Accept what you have, and make an intention to move towards what you want. And just allow yourself to experience joy. I mean, if you really want to start enjoying life, why not start right now? Watch a funny clip on YouTube or rent a funny movie. Get yourself in a joyful state because life is too short to be depressed. And acknowledge that your current circumstances could change at any moment. Embrace impermanance.

Life would be boring if it was not the way it is now. If there were no obstacles to overcome, what would be the purpose of living? As I believe I said before, if we all had our problems solved, we would have nothing to work towards. We need to be grateful for everything we experience because it is allowing us to experience life and all of its wonders. I don’t know where I read this, but one guy suggested that even when you are signing your bankruptcy papers, take a moment to realize how smooth the pen writes on the piece of paper.

I guess I should close with one last story, and I believe this is the whole theme of this post: A man is being chased by two lions all the way to the edge of a cliff. He sees a vine dangling from the cliff and decides to climb down on it. It is a strawberry vine. He is hanging from it so the lions cannot reach him. He looks up and notices two mice gnawing on the vine. He knows he does not have much time before he falls to his death. He eats a stawberry and it is delicious.

What I hope to accomplish in the coming months and years is to improve this blog every day, every week, every post. I feel that a blog is a great medium to convey ideas and gives me an outlet for writing and creativity. I can always make what I am doing better and to grow this blog into something amazing, something beyond just the text, would be amazing for me and the world. The penalty of not utilizing my potential does not just hurt me, it hurts the entire world. If I do not do my best to ensure the world is becoming a better place, then it will have consequences.

The whole point I am making here is that there is always the quote, “If we all did our best, then…” and I want to make that a reality. I want to lead by example and encourage others to do the same, their best in whatever field they are in. If we all band together to do the best we possibly can do, anything is possible, barring the removal of gravity. When and if I am ever on my deathbed, the question I will ultimately ask myself is, “Did I do my best?” And if I cannot answer yes to that question, if I cannot feel satisfied about what I contributed, then I did not live the life I wanted to, and the regrets will start to settle in. The longer I live, the more chance I have to make a valid contribution to this world. I want to raise awareness about certain things and promote healthy living, healthy emotions, and help the world become the wonderful place it can be.

I am going to focus solely on providing genuine value to the readers, in various forms, so that everyone feels they can benefit from this website. I plan to really vamp up the blog in the next few months, with much more high-level content, things that keep me awake at night, and I want to rehash a conversation I had with a friend of mine to show how important life is, or whether anything really matters at all, in the grand scheme of things. The only reason why anything happens is because it is a possibility. If it wasn’t a possibility, it wouldn’t be happening. This is how I feel right now. So the fact that I am writing this post right now means that it is a possibility in the grand scheme of life, the infinite time frame of the universe. And I am making the most of this possibility. Don’t let your possibility slip away.

We have the ability in this life to make a choice. A fundamental choice about our lives. We can choose to be a part of the problem or part of the solution. And there is no real right or wrong answer, if the choice is made consciously. But if the choice is a socially conditioned, unconscious choice, which really isn’t a choice at all, then it has no bearing. You have to take the initiative to either encite change or defend the status quo. It is up to you. I am taking the time to work this blog up and make everything better to hopefully inspire people to better themselves and the world. I hope you make a similar decision, and if you don’t make sure it is a conscious deicision.

I am someone who always thinks outside the box. It is my nature. Besides, the box is too crowded anyway. I find the more I talk to yourself, the less people will talk to me. I guess it’s probably because they do not want to interrupt the conversation I’m having with myself. At least I can laugh about it later. Some people can’t. At least I never got in a heated debate with myself. I sometimes speak too soon. Sometimes when I am in public and I feel like talking to myself but do not want to be looked upon as clinically insane, I pull out my cell phone and use that to have a fictitious conversation with my subconscious. I pace back and forth and give good arguments. At least when I talk to myself, I at least get somewhere with it.

Doing this is a contant theme in my life. It always was. And it probably always will be. I even used to carry around a little tape recorder so I could record everything I was saying. Maybe I’m secretly lonely. Who knows? All I can really say about this is it is a part of who I am, and I would not trade it for anything.

Another thing that is very different from other peope is I tend to “zone out” quite a bit. It is a very strange feeling where my thoughts take me for a wild ride, and it takes me quite a long time to get back. When I do come back, or “zone in,” I need to check the clock to see how long I was gone. It is almost like I’m not even around when this happens. I just fade out of existence. It is a different kind of meditation. One that happens spur of the moment and goes on until I realize I need to come back to reality.

A sad state my mind was in when my mini tape recorder broke and now I will have to buy a DVR, or Digital Voice Recorder. I feel kind of awkward speaking into it, unless I pretend it is a cell phone. Especially if there are a lot of people around. I say something like, “Why does only one company make the Monopoly game?” or “A man with OCD broke into my house and cleaned the entire thing. I didn’t call the cops. I hired him as my cleaning man.” I guess I shouldn’t care what those people think, really. If we all really are one, then they know what I am doing and understand me unconditionally. I just wish more people weren’t so afraid to show their weirdness. I can’t wait until casual Friday at my work. I have the clown costume and makeup all ready. Boy, will they be surprised.

I just find a safe life boring. A life where you do what everyone else is doing and just go with the flow of society. I can’t see myself ever doing some of the things people do for fun, or do because other people do it. It has to resonate with me and no one else. The only exception I am making is doing my taxes on time. I do not want to be victim to the IRS and their unlawful tactics. I really enjoy seeing things the way I see them, not the way I am conditioned to see them. For example, when people say that Angelina Jolie is attractive, I mean, she’s okay, but I don’t really find her that attractive. And no, I’m not gay. It is just how I see things.

Recently, I thought of a real good idea that may or may not get me arrested, but I won’t actually do it. When I was undergoing brain cancer treatment, radiation, I got this radiation mask, and it is custom fitted to my face, and is made of plastic with a bunch of little holes in it. My plan is to wear it to the bank and attempt to make a withdrawal. It would be really funny, but nah, I may wait. I am also one of the only people who like talking to telemarketers. I like to string them along, have them go all the way up to their sales pitch and then say, “No.” It brings me a sort of smug satisfaction. It is really funny.

If I wasn’t who I am today, I would feel like I was someone else. I do whatever it is I feel is right for me to do and I always follow my instincts. If I feel like something is wrong, like buying fast food, I do not partake in that endeavor. If I do not think Christianity is a good religion for me, I do not follow it. The whole theme of this post is to trust in yourself and who you are and do not be afraid to express yourself in public. I used to feel that way, that I always had to censor myself so people did not label me as crrazy or delusional. Now I just laugh at those silly labels, and I encourage you to do the same. Just don’t threaten anyone’s life. That could lead to jail time. Now to find that Google Adsense code…

The key here is getting everything I do not need out of my life. All of the things that are no longer useful to me. Get rid of the thoughts in my head that do not help me. Start implanting thoughts that empower me and keep me going. Understand that living simply is a means by which you let others simply live. I believe Ghandi has a quote something like that. There is a feeling of lightness that comes with this territory, a feeling that you are no longer bound to the things and feelings you used to regard as a neccesity. Attachment is the root of all suffering. Attachment to things, outcomes, and feelings is what causes all the bad things in the world. To no longer hold stock in expectations does not demotivate me to take action, it makes taking action that much easier because even if I fail, I am more concerned with the experience than the outcome.

I sometimes question the way we live as human beings, and I realize that it will take a massive catastrophe for any of this to change. We never see problems that creep up to us slowly, like global warming, but if something were to happen, like a meteor hitting the Earth or something, then we would know how to adapt, we would made due. Perpetuating our existence is a must from a humanistic perspective. Why, I don’t know. Whenever people talk about the “end of the world,” what they are really talking about is the end of human existence. Like we are so much more important than the other creatures on this planet. WE need to be interdependent with nature, not independent of it. But from a universal perspective, it isn’t all that important, but on a local one, it is the most important thing possible.

There is a saying like, “If we all did out part…” Well, that would be nice, wouldn’t it? Everyone doing their part for a better world, a better existence. But for some reason, people are too caught up in their situation, their immediate surroundings, not the fate of the planet. I guess it is a challenge to think in terms of the whole planet, of every action we take furthering the world in one direction or another, and making a conscious effort to see the consequences of our actions is not a pleasant experience. But after you do this, and realize what is happening, you start to question many of the activities you took for granted. I am not a vegetarian yet, but seeing how animals are treated in slaughterhouses and understanding that if we are all one, every animal I eat contributes to the suffering of consciousness, the karmic debt is enormous. The way people tear down the rainforests to make room for cattle to graze. The way the cattle are pumped full of hormones and antibiotics so they do not die and produce more. The feeling that contributing to suffering is not the best option.

I will admit I still eat meat on occasion. I realize there are many negative consequences to doing so. Eventually, I hope to phase out meat completely. There are numerous benefits to doing so, if I do it right. I may have to take supplements and eat more vegetables, but it is something I am willing to do to increase my gift to the world. And it will help take away some of the resources used for animals. If we all did this, all of us, then maybe we could start some changes, radical changes. But for some reason, I do not see this happening. It may take over a century even if everyone is willing. It would take a consciousness revolution for this to happen. I see spurts of this sort of revolution, but not to the extent that would be required.

The best thing I can do right now is simplify my life and the lives of the people around me. Start having people question the norm, the status quo. Encourage change, encite a movement, wake people up to the world and show that we can all be just as happy living simply, living with a high state of consciousness. It will be far more joyous than we live today. I guess you could say I am an optimistic pessimist, but I am more on the optimum side right now. I am not going to deny that the world is in bad shape, and the best way I know how to encite change is through informing people and practicing what I convey. If we all start to do this, maybe, just maybe, we will fix the problems of the world, start to develop renewable fuel sources that do not pollute the environment, and even save many of the dying species occupying various regions of he globe. I am hopeful we are up to this task. We may need a collection of individuals to complete this task, to advocate change and to move higher on the consciousness scale, so let us all get together in simplifying and raising consciousness. It will be a fun ride. You better wear your seatbelt.

Give me the strength to accept the things I cannot change. Give me the corage to change the things I do not like. And give me the wisdom to know the difference between the two. I guess that is some prayer from either Christianity or Cahtolicism. It goes something like that. And it is a very powerful quote, as it talks about acceptance vs. denial in a way that I believe we all can relate to.

We all have things in our lives we do not like or wish to change. There are some things we have power to change, while others may or may not be within reach, at least at this point in time. The wisdom to know the difference is a journey in self-exploration. We have to look at ourselves objectively sometimes to see what it is we should change, if anything, as life is an ongoing process of evolution. There are some things you cannot change about yourself or your environment, at least at your state of awareness. There are others you think you cannot change, but could with some hard work and perseverence.

If you are six hundred pounds and do not think you will ever lose the weight, that you just have to accept yourself the way you are, I encourage you to look at all the experiiences you are missing out on because of your large stature. Look at how you have to buy two ariplaine tickets if you would like to fly. Realize that anything is possible. And you may not be able to change the things you want right now, but as life moves on, these things could very well become possible. I have heard the story a thousand times before, “The doctor said I would never walk again. But here I am walking.” Just because the odds are stacked against you, that does not mean you have to succumb to apathy and learned helplessness.

And do not deny what you are getting either. You have to accept the truth in all parts of your life. It is only when we accept the truth that we are able to grow further. It does not make sense to lie to yourself on a consistent basis to hold up this facade that has a very weak foundation to it, eventually crumbling. You lower your awareness when you lie. It is obvious that the last statement is true because you are trying to convince yourself that something you are not experiencing is true. So the first step to acceptance is truth, and the second step to changing or choosing to accept your situation is coming to terms with it, and letting it be a part of you once again.

No matter how bad or good a person you are, self-acceptance and self-worth are to big keys to a fulfilling life. When you fully and unconditionally accept yourself, you become more open to possibilities to improve yourelf. It does sound a bit counter-intuitive, but because you accept yourself no matter what, you are no longer afraid to try the activities you were previously fearful of doing. Unconditional acceptance is the answer, but if something is not the way you wish it to be, go ahead and move towards changing it.

As a personal example, in my life, I no longer find my job interesting or fulfilling. I am so close to muttering the words, “I quit,” but the repercussions from my family may be something like this, “You can’t quit your job until you have another one.” Well, moving towards not having a job is nice, at least for me, as I intend to start a business in the near future, although the full details of that business are not yet on paper. I intend to cut down on my consumption in order to build up money to start this business eventually. The only thing that is really holding me back is the people around me, the people who will tell me that I will probably fail, and that may be true, but the experience will be worth it. I have to learn to let go of outcomes, which I am now practicing and will practice for the remainder of my life. Attachment to anything is the root of all suffering anyway. Make no appointment and you’ll have no disappointments. Lower your expectations, but still do whatever it is you want to do. Accept the outcome, and move on from there. That is all I have to say.

As of late, I have strictly limited my television viewing to no more than a couple of shows per week, much better than previous times in my life. This has turned me onto another activity to fill the gap in my life–reading. I do not know if you all know what reading is, I know it has suffered a steady decline ever since the television came into fruition. Reading requires a longer attention span than television, as the plots are usually much more complex and the characters see some real development. It is an exercise in imagination. I remember what an avid reader I was in elementary school and into my middle school days, and then I just sort of tapered off. I started watching more and more television, mainly Comedy Central and the Fox network. I started shoving books to the side in favor of movies and television shows, and what happened was a stagnation, an atrophy of my imagination. It was like this for five, six years even, without me really noticing how much I lost in that timespan. Television almost became an addiction, but not to the extent that many others suffer with.

If you have ever watched television, and I believe many of you have, there really is not much on to really get interested in. A vast wasteland is what someone put it as. There may be a few shows, a few key shows that are truly interesting and thought-provoking, but otherwise, there is nothing of real substance, nothing really bound in reality, more of a fanstasmal way to live, if that is even a word. The “reality” shows that depict edited reality, which is so far away from reality that they should be called “fantasy shows.” And let us not forget the advertisements, which put most people in a state of desire, wanting all the new products that are advertised on the networks. Breeding a consumerist culture, allowing for mass destruction of our planet and many more. I am not saying that all television is evil, just that the majority of the broadcasts offer hardly anything of substance, are extremely biased, and I am sure you could find other more fulfilling activities to participate in than sitting passively, watching a screen simulate other people doing things you wish you could do.

After a long conversation with myself, I decided it was necessary to remove the television’s influence from my life, except for no more than five hours a week. There are certain shows I find original and creative, and are against the mainstream garbage I often see. Those are the shows I keep on my schedule. I have filled the time I cut out from not watching television with much more meaningful activities, such as reading, writing, and contemplating the meaning of my life and the meaning of all life in the universe. You do not see such activities on television. When you watch television, you surrender control to the network. Whatever is on there, you cannot control. It is almost like hypnosis. I used to feel that I wanted to turn the damn thing off, but I couldn’t. I spent many nights watching Law and Order marathons until I could barely keep my eyes open, wondering why I even cared about what happened to the characters. It wasn’t real. Why did I care?

Finally, I broke away from this sort of behavior, or lack of behavior and decided not to spend a good amount of my life in front of a piece of technology. Although I do use my computer quite a bit, it is more interactive and I am in the driver’s seat. I can choose what it is I want to do here. It is much more empowering than the television. Television is defining our culture through everything it conveys. And it isn’t really the television, but the advertisements and programs on the television. Those are the real culprits. Television can be used to enrich our lives or what it does now, turns us into passive zombies. And they are doing a good job. People are still watching. They want to see who gets kicked off the island on Survivor. They want to see the next episode of Desperate Housewives. And if that is entertaining to you, fine. But if you are only watching it to fill a void in your life, a void that could be filled with much more meaningful activities, then go for it. Do not surrender control of your life to a “box.” You’re worth more than that. You can do better. It is not easy to break the habit, but once you do, you will start finding better ways to occupy your time. Take up a hobby. Join a club. Exercise. There are so many positive things you can put in place of television. Take your pick.

Sometimes I wonder if I will be better off living in the woods. Maybe that is the place for me. In this past year, I have spent more time outdoors and have really listened to the world around me, not the manmade sounds, but the sounds that are provided by nature. It is like a soundtrack from Sounds of the Suburban Forest. Sure, there may be some car noises in the background, but the primary focus in on the chirping birds and the zephyr from the west. (A zephyr, by definition, is a west wind.) I find it very soothing. There is a certain continuity about it, an instinctive look at something that has always been there, at least as long as this planet has harbored life. And I cannot help but think what a short period of time we have been “civilized.” That being our domestication if you would. Our settling into a three bedroom ranch house with a white picket fence and a dog named Fido.

We are not really sure of life before civilization, as no one took the time to write it down in a way we could understand. Sure, cavemen painted on walls, but that doesn’t tell me who invented the wheel. And I am sure no one needed to get a patent for it. I do have this vision of an ancient patent office, Flintstones style. It would be something, wouldn’t it? I also wonder if the people back then kept track of the years, one of them like, “Hey, it’s 4567 B.C. I have this sinking feeling Christ is going to be born in 4567 years. Better keep that day open.” But it amazes me how we have started accelerating to the point of unsustainability. Consuming all of our resources is something that we may not have seen coming, but it is time to start consuming less.

Maybe the woods would be a great place for us to live. I researched Henry David Thoreau and found that he spent about two years in the woods in a small shack. I guess it was the defining moment of his life or something, and it gave him some newfound perspective on life, love, and consumption. I think that if we all pitch in and go back to our roots, we can live in peace once again. We are always fighting over land, resources, or whatever else is this year’s “hot button.” So I guess transcendence of society is something we can all get a part of by spending time in the woods, away from all of this. I don’t know, but ever since reading the book Fight Club, I find it that my responsibility is to do something every day to get away, at least for awhile. If I were to ever take an extended vacation, it would be to a private beach, an undiscovered paradise. Why go to a place where you are trying to relax, but the family or whoever you go with is saying, “Let’s go here, let’s go there, let’s see the [insert tourist attraction here].”

I know that we have evolved in a civilization-type manner much faster than we have evolved biologically and this is something that may or may not cause problems. I am not a scientist nor am I a firm believer in us being “the crown of creation” and that we should “be fruitful and multiply,” as I feel we have done quite enough of that for at least a few generations. It is not something you can deny. Our population will become unsustainable. How many more people can we pack onto this planet? And with the current obesity epidemic at large, that could also produce some interesting problems as well.

I came across a website called the Church of Euthanasia, a great website that has to do with voluntarily lowering the population to a sustainable level. I found the website both humorous and dark, but also mean at times. I am not going to condone anything they have stated, but some of it did make a lot of sense. I feel like if we keep letting the population grow, the woods and all other solitudes will be turned into multiplex cinemas or minimalls, something I could not bear to deal with. I might become the next member of the Church of Euthanasia if that happens on a global level. I pray that this does not happen. But you never know.

In all of this, I find peace in knowing I am conscious enough to realize these problems and that I can take steps, personally, to limit my ecological footprint, and encourage others to do the same. It is our battle to be won. I know we were kind of just thrown into this at birth, as we inherited these problems, from our ancestors. We just bought into this sort of lifestyle, and it can consume us all. I am not saying the complete extinction of humans would be a terribly bad thing, as the remaining ecosystem will still thrive without us. We are not integral to the world, and as a matter of fact, we have done more harm than good, but there still is some good in there. We need to get more of the good out, the helping hands, cleaning up this world, so that way I can buy a small plot of land and move into the woods. Come join me. You’ll enjoy it. I promise.

It happens every once in awhile that we have to “perform” for other people, if you would. We have to be “on.” I often joke with people I know when other people are coming to visit we have not seen in awhile that we’ll have to recharge our batteries in order to be “on” for that occasion. I guess it has to do with uploading your ego or something. Becoming the egoic personality that these people are used to seeing, or at least the egoic personality that you currently use in some situations. I am thinking of storing my ego along with my self-esteem in a wall-safe I am thinking about purchasing, so that when I need it, I know where it will be. It is not like my ego is very strong, it is just a humble sense of an ego, I am not someone who is the leader of the conversation, although it is often a comment I make that will drive the whole conversation. So, I am usually in control of the conversation, although I am not the person who contributes the most. I find it fascinating how so many people are invested in putting out their nuggest of information and not really listening to the rest of the crowd. That is a problem I have addressed within myself, as I have always been more of a listener anyway.

From an early age, I was one to watch. My mother always told me, even as a child, when interacting with other children, I would first watch them, for maybe hours on end, before joining into their reindeer games. I was more observant than I was active. And I still love to watch people. I always get a good read on people just by watching and listening. I don’t even need to utter a word to get a full understanding of most people. I guess you could call this a gift, but I guess I take it for granted. I have never been much of a verbal person, up until a couple of years ago, when I had my brain tumor and I put everything in perspective, but I still do not talk as much as the people around me. I guess this means I do not activate my ego half as much.

The ego is very reactive. It always has to react to the situation at hand. If it doesn’t, then it is almost like it is letting itself down. People always expect your ego to have something to contribute to the conversation, no matter how pointless it may be. Sometimes I wonder why some people put all their energy into somewhat meaningless arguments about which brand of clothes is better or how much hairspray someone is using. To me, and this is just me, I would rather talk about the meaning of life or why society functions the way it does, or how to take down the evil corporations that dehumanize its workers and take over small businesses like a bully in the schoolyard. But that is just me. I like to talk about things that are bigger than just me, bigger than the immediate circumstances that surround me. I like to encite change in the world, not just in someone’s personal regime. I couldn’t care less if someone decides to switch their cell phone number because cell phones are likely to contribute to brain cancer in the long run, so I avoid them at all costs, already having been through that experience.

I have been trying to make sense of this society for way too long, and looking at it through the ego, it makes me feel like I am powerless to change it. Like what can I do, one person, to change the way the world works, with all the greed and corruption, and a host of everything else. But when I turn off my ego-personality, and realize I am connected with everything, then I start to think I can actually change the world, as a collective consciousness, by intending for the world to improve in the ways that I see fit. This sort of feeling allows me to dream big, because since we all are connected, I can bring forth a new change in the world, simply by bringing others on board through the power of inention and through some action as well. I find that turning of the ego and embracing the “we all are one” hypothesis, it empowers me to be able to change the world around me to fit my needs and wants, the way I want the world to be. I haven’t solved any major problems yet, but they are definitely on the horizon. Wish me luck and I wish you all luck as well. More power to the non-egoic personalities. Boy, does that sound awkward or what? It’s okay, it is the idea that counts.