AndrewBrunelle.com

Writing has become a gigantic part of my life.  I write almost constantly, and when I’m not writing, I’m usually reading.  I’m attempting to write a book right now, a novel, about a derranged hermit who starts questioning society, the nature of the universe, and how to go about his life while he loses all sense of himself, his ego.  The only problem is that I just write it, I don’t divide it up into chapters or anything, it’s more like a continued journal, without times or dates, as the character in this book has completely done away with those ideas.  It’s a very surreal story, I know, and I find I write in it somewhat every day, creating this character, this entity, who for the most part is alone in this world, but at the same time connected to “his” world, nature, his small apartment, and many other details, such as what he eats and at what times of day.

It’s an elaborate attempt to find meaning in a life that has somehow gone off track, to solitude, while he tries to make sense of everything, he is often distracted by how little money he spent this month at the grocery store, or why there are certain rules in the world that he was not consulted on.  He addresses his hate for organized government, society, pop culture, television, fear-based news, media, and other staples in our American culture.  It’s almost a satire of the whole planet and how we’ve lost touch with our roots.

But it will probably take me another six to eight months to fully complete this novel.  I believe I’m somewhere in the vicinity of 65-70 pages on Microsoft Works, so I’m thinking I want to at least double, maybe triple the amount of pages I have in this story.  But it is a first-person journal, not really a narrative, but a reflection of life, seen through the eyes of this person, this being.  I rather like writing it, and I even share some of my own thoughts through this character, although I do not necesarily agree with everything he states in the book.  I think the biggest problem he has is trust–of authority, of himself, of others, and it leads him down a path where he, at times, finds meaning in nature, but eventually resumes his contemplation of the massive size of the universe, or wondering if this life is simply a dream and he’s this other entity, this consciousness, and then ponders what the limitations of this reality are. 

Like I said, I’m not sure exactly how this book will be eventually structured, but so far, it’s just a string of successive paragraphs, filling approximately 70 pages.   I may need to edit some of the early stuff out, because I find some of it was a tad different.  I originally started this book over a year ago, and recently, maybe two months ago, got back into writing it.  So I may have to change the first ten to twenty pages to really exemplify the true nature of this character. 

So my plans are to write this, along with my supposed script for the supermarket in which I work at, although that sort of project doesn’t hold as much meaning as writing a novel or inspirational book does.  I’d like to delve extensively into my subconscious and see what I can pull out, what sort of guidance I can bestow upon this world.  I know I have ideas, and I’ve applied them, so it’s just a matter of explaining them in a coherent way.  I’m quite certain it will take practice, but I’m willing to give this a quantity of my time.

I just want to write a book that people will read.  I want people to take ideas from the books I write and will write and apply them directly to their lives.  I’m doing this to share what I believe is reality and the center of everything.  Ever since my brain tumor and subsequent recovery, I’ve had this sense of oneness, this detachment from my physical body, this sort of observer-like state.  My perspective has changed dramatically and I realize that life is a very short portion of my existence and to know there is some sort of spirit inside of me makes me lose all fear completely.  To know that I am a spiritual being having a physical experience really makes life a breeze. 

But I have this inkling, this suspicion, that life is some sort of dream.  I’ve discussed this in previous posts, and by realizing this, I’ve gotten this intense feeling of relaxation.  I know that sounds like a paradox, but it’s just how it is.  Nothing can really jar me too much.  I’ve looked inside myself for security and peace, rather than searching for it in the external world.  And I want to write extensively about it, because I am in so much joy to be here and be able topotentially touch millions of people (appropriately) with my writings and thoughts.  It’s about making a difference and having everyone wake up.

If you’re somewhat creative, then you know that following conventional norms is most likely not the best way to go about living your life.  If you conform to all these supposed standard ways of living, then you will be stifling the creative person that you are.  And this will lead to an array of unfulfillment and regrets.  I really can’t state enough that following what you feel you should be doing in life is the best thing you can possibly do, especially if you have a unique approach to doing so.

I realize that sometimes people don’t know what it is they want to do with their lives.  It’s not an easy decision to make.  Sometimes you may feel that there are too many possibilities.  And you feel pressured to make a choice, but I think the common flaw is that most people look to external phenomena when they should be looking inside to determine what it is they should do with their life.  Everything I write comes from within myself.  It doesn’t come from any external conditioning.  I try and create value by looking deep inside me and just letting the thoughts pour out.  That is why I value journaling so much as a problem-solving tool.

 But if you are a creative person, then why not get creative in all facets of your life, regardless of whether or not you have a definite purpose for your life?  If you feel you could make money is a fun and creative way, then go for it.  I’m going to start experimenting with this.  I have some items I’m going to sell on eBay to bring in some extra cash, at least enough to supplement my meager income from the grocery business.  My main goal is to make enough money consistently to not need to have a regular job through multiple income streams.  I’ve been working on a book I’m writing.  You can get the excerpt here.  I’m enjoying creating this person, this entity, that is so different from anything I’ve ever read and inspires me to write more and more about.  I’m also working on improving my drawing skills so that I can start drawing some funny cartoons/comics.  I’m becoming more of who I know I am.

I feel that if I can unleash my creativity to the extent I want to, I will be able to have some amazing ideas that will lead to many endeavors that will unlock everything I could dream of. 

Having the ability to entertain yourself is very valuable.  This way, you never feel bored.  I could not leave my house in over a year and I’d never be bored.  I get more bored when I’m at work because there is no time to think of good ideas.  I can go on vacations without ever going anywhere.  Having a creative mind is so valuable.  If we all could see that, we’d all be off the dreaded drug called TV.  How many of you have taken the time to read a book in the last month?  It’s so much easier to watch the movie, isn’t it?  But there’s no thinking involved when you watch a movie, just passive watching. 

I must credit my creativity from my early reading. I used to read about a 160 page book a day when I was in elementary school.  I read many of the classic books, as well as the Goosebumps series.  I read the Chronicles of Narnia, and other very creativity-centered books.  They allow the mind to wander.  I enjoy stimulating my mind much more than stimulating my body through watching TV.

So if you want to be creative, just start thinking.  Once I decided to be creative again, my dreams became so vivid I could almost touch them.  I remember the most minute details from them.  It’s almost like my mind works 24 hours a day and I am allowed to think of ideas even when I’m unconscious.  It’s a pretty cool feeling.  I have the power, just like you, to become a creative genius.  We all have talents, but most times they go unnoticed because you’re stifled by “real life.”  They say that your creativity shrinks in size as you get older.  Don’t let that happen.   Grab it while you can.  And live the life of non-boredom.

I have been reading a lot of different websites about a lazy way to success and it really inspired me to think about how I look at success and how we view work vs. fun. Here is what I came up with, but it’s not complete yet:

People think that they only way to success is through hard work. Hard work. That doesn’t sound very good, does it? Hard work is not something anyone looks forward to, I’m sure. All of these things I’ve been reading have said that it’s not working hard that grants success, but working from your passion, your strengths. And enjoying every step of the way. Enjoy the process. Don’t set your happiness off in the distant future. Enjoy the path itself. This is why people have so much trouble grasping success. Success isn’t some external validation of your talents, success is inside of yourself. If you are happy, healthy, and comfortable and you do what you enjoy every day and you avoid doing the things you hate to do, you are successful in your own right.

The whole thinking about success is usually given to someone who makes a lot of money and it’s true to some extent if the person who has the money isn’t miserable and didn’t have to step over a hundred people to achieve that success. If you want true success, you have to harmonize yourself with the world and you don’t want to step over anyone to become successful. A truly successful person will try to make it so everyone can achieve the same level of success. People who are successful are not taken aback by external circumstances very much because e their level of inner peace is so grand that it rivals anything that will come in its path.

Here’s a side note on the nature of this blog: I know this blog hasn’t been “funny” very much lately, but it’s only because I’m going through some major life shifts mentally and physically and I’m coming into myself much more than I even have before. I’m learning constantly about various subjects and I’m enjoying myself so much in self-exploration that the joy I have is better than any joke I could tell right now. So, if you come to this website for a cheap laugh, you will most likely be disappointed. But if you want to get a look inside someone who is very funny, but also very insightful and intuitive, you will enjoy this blog. My previous blog tried to start out as a comedy blog as well, but it eventually became the same kind of philosophical, purpose-driven blog. If you want to read it, the link is here.

My next step for this blog is the arduous task of linking blog posts together at the bottom of each entry. I don’t know how long this will take me, but I’ve got an entire life to do this. It’s one of those things where I wish I would have done it as I go, but I just didn’t. So now I have to go through over 100 posts or so and link them to other posts synonymously and it will probably take months. But “the time is going to pass anyway.” That’s one of my favorite quotes from Steve Pavlina. It’s so true it almost begs for you to get off your ass and do something.

But I’m feeling good, feeling great, about the way the blog is progressing. I like how I usually can come up with at least five or so a week and it only takes me maybe a half-hour to forty-five minutes to write a post of this length or more. I’m writing for both myself and the people who read it. This blog is definitely a tool for expression of self and sharing new ideas, or old ones with a different spin on them, to the world.

But I’m not going to do anything overkill. I’ve got plenty of time to get this all done. There are no deadlines. I don’t have to rush. I may even buy a hammock, as I mentioned in a previous post. So, if this blog ever does become successful, it will have done so in a lazy way. And I appreciate that. Being a Type-Z personality, which leades to more relaxations,  is quite a great way to go through life. Now all I have to do is find a lazy way to support myself financially. Maybe I’ll become a freelance journalist/writer. It’s definitely what I love to do. Why would I be writing this right now if I didn’t enjoy it? It’s not like I have to meet a quota or anything.

I know that often my posts don’t have a narrow focus, but you know, neither do I. So I want to share with you a story about a fruit I bought yesterday. Think of it as a post within a post. You’ve seen picture within picture on TV and if you’re familiar with programming, your familiar with nested loops, so here we go:

I’m scared as hell. I’ve heard so much about the health benefits of pomegranates, so yesterday, after some of my co-workers convinced me, I bought one for $2.50. A high price, but I figured it would be worth it. I also heard that it’s a challenge to eat one. So I figured I’d better research it. It turns out that you have to do all these steps and the juice is so potent it will stain anything it touches and it’s recommended to eat it naked. But it even stains your skin, so you’d better eat it as part of an out-of-body-experience. So, there it is, sitting on my countertop, taunting me, laughing in my face. It knows I don’t want to be up to the challenge. But I have to know. I have to know if it’s as good as people say it is. Supposedly it takes almost an hour to consume. So I may wait until Wednesday to eat it because at least I’ll have the whole day to myself. I may have to quit my job if I like them enough because it will probably take five to six hours out of my week. I’ll update you on that situation later.

Well, it’s about time for me to do something, although I’m not sure what. It certainly won’t be writing on this blog. I’ll add links to this post before it goes out, and I’m done writing here for the day. I’ve got to go to work today, but I most likely won’t work to hard. It’s a good thing I get paid by the hour and not by how hard I work because right now, there really is no motivation to work hard anyway. Okay, I’ve rambled long enough. Peace.

Here is my problem. We are just too into ourselves today. It’s all about what we have, what we don’t have, what we should have, when you did this, when you did that. Constant, aggravating deadlines and validations. I don’t understand how the world became such a rigid place. Everything is standardized. There are all these systems that we compare ourselves to, and there’s always some competition for a certain degree of success. There are people who walk over other people to become powerful. We all crave this power over other human beings. We all want that for some reason, and we’ll do anything to get it. We want money. We want recognition. We want anything and everything that will make people pay attention to us and actually consider our opinion over someone else’s. We’ll sacrifice our health, our family, and even our values in order to get to the top of some elaborate corporate food chain with hopes of becoming “something successful.”

But what is that, really? Something your ego will love, but not so much your sense of morality, your conscience. It’s funny, isn’t it, how people who work so hard to succeed in their lives, but they aren’t fulfilled. They could be king of the world and that wouldn’t be enough. They are in love with themselves and the power that they could have. But that’s just something that I don’t find meaning in. It’s very isolating if you think about it. And I don’t understand all the rushing. What the hell are all these people rushing for? They drive like mad, they’re always running late for something, and they’re always stressed out. I’ll tell you, it’s a great feeling to have an entire day to yourself, not needing to go anywhere. You can take your time. I’m hoping to come across more of those days. If you rush, you end up missing quite a bit, believe me.

This brings me to a concept I call taking the scenic route. I’m not sure if this is a new idea or an old one. I don’t read many books about this sort of thing, but I’m sure it’s very Zen-like in philosophy. I’ll tell you how I eventually came up with this idea. I like to walk around my neighborhood in a very relaxed manner. There is a golf course with beautiful scenery a little ways down the road and there are some other very natural scenes with many birds and squirrels and that kind of walk relaxes me. There is also a long straight road to my house from the golf course, which takes about five minutes to walk down. Then there is a way to walk that takes about twice as long and has much richer scenery. So I often opt to take the fast route when I think I’m in some kind of rush, but on the days when I have time to spare, I love to take the more scenic route. It gives my senses a sense of peace, a sense of connectedness with all of nature, knowing that no matter what happens in “society,” nature will always remain constant. The timelessness and symbiotic nature of nature can really put your mind, body, and spirit at peace. I think what we all look for in life is a combination of peace, love, happiness, and security. Not to mention passion and a purpose in life. But if we spend all this time rushing, not really knowing the point of our existence, not really observing, but mostly just doing what we think we’re supposed to do, we’re pretty much wasting our lives.  This is what Steve Pavlina calls following the follower.  I certainly don’t want to be one of those people and I never have even thought about doing things like that. 

How many people die from stress-related diseases each year?  I couldn’t even tell you, but I’m sure it is an astronomical number.  But I don’t think it’s their fault.  I think it’s society’s fault.  They make things so damn complicated and hard to understand that it’s almost as if they’re asking us to go completely insane.  We’re all just running around in circles here, and not many people see that.  We’re so transfixed on instant gratification and our very short attention spans.  I can’t even have a meaningful conversation with hardly anyone because either their fucking cell phone will ring or they have to go do something, which is total bunk.  You never have to go do anything.  You create situations where you think you have to do things.  It’s a belief rooted in necessity, but it’s all due to conforming to someone’s social guidelines.

Thirty-thousand years ago, life was not like this.  There weren’t any buildings or civilizations.  There was nothing but a bunch of hunters and gatherers just wandering the planet looking for food and water.  There was no rush.  There was most likely no stress.  There was no need for a plasma screen TV or a meaningless job where you work forty hours a week and get paid lousy for it.  I’m not saying we should revert to old ways, but we need to have some sort of conscious revolution where we realize that life is a collaborative effort, not an individual one.  We’re all the same, really.  We’re all life.  We all live on this planet and our choices are leading it to its demise.  It’s not all our fault, it’s the only life we know.  But we don’t have to accept it.  We don’t have to stand by and watch the collapse of civilization as we know it.  We can be proactive.  We can stop all the cruelty.  We can stop all the ego and power struggles.  But it will take a complete revolutionary realization that will expand the minds of everyone on this planet.  I’m certainly looking forward to some sort of movement, but it’s hard to be optimistic when I see all these people following a path that will inevitably destroy the place in which we live.

I like to put things in perspective.  To the universe, we’re nothing but an insignificantly small part of the entire scope of existence, but to the people and animals on earth, this planet is everything we have.  I have a distinct feeling that sooner or later, Mother Earth and her great power will have to ecologically have us become extinct.  It’s just that it has to cleanse itself of the cancer of the world.  All these new developments will need to be ostracized.  We can either do it now, or let Mother Nature do it for us.  The choice is up to us as a planet.  It’s your move…

Living in such a crazy world is not as easy as it looks.  I try realy ared to maintain the fact that what I talk about has to be moderately funny, but right now, I”m at a crossroads in my life.  I have a unique talent for both comedy and writing.  I could pursue either of the two, but pursuing both at the same time is completely insane.  I’d have to devote more than my share of time to both areas, which would probably lead to me getting burned out.  I think I might want to write a novel, well, maybe a short story.  Actually, why not a poem?  It doesn’t really matter.  I’ve just got to finish something.  that’s my problem.  Finishing things.  I’m great at starting things.  I can write even twenty pages or more.  I even wrote an eighty page book, but then I just stopped writing in it and it’s like if I try to go back, it will mean I have to read it all over again. 

Right now I’m in the middle of writing a BI-LO script and also writing a serious book about a man who has completely isolated himself from society.  They’re both a work in progress.  But the both require different mindsets to write.  There is much more dialogue in the BI-LO script than in the book because the guy in my book doesn’t really talk to anyone, ever.  But he talks through the book.  It’s written in first person, so everything I write is thought through his eyes.  I enjoy doing this, although it will take maybe another two to three months to finish this.  But I’m flowing with ideas from it, but I can never remember what I’ve already written about this character.  It’s a very interesting book so far, to me at least.

The BI-LO script is about the place where I currently work.  It is a terrible place to work, and it’s not especially conducive to creativity.  But I’m working on turning my world into a script.  It’s not my entire world, but it’s an integral part of it.  I just want to make a film that people can relate to.  Something that they find funny and also very thought-provoking. 

I also want to write some short stories about different things.  I just want to go deeply into character development and really allow people to get to know the characters I’m talking about.  By doing that, I kind of have an advantage.  I love detail and things like that, so it shouldn’t be too hard to come up with very interesting characters and dialogue.

Lastly, I want to come out with some kind of book about laziness.  Something to the effect where relaxation and meditation are key to being more productive while doing less work.  I could talk about the Law of Attraction or something, but I’m not sure that I want to be like everybody else.  My main goal is to create something unique, something totally me.  Something that can express my inner self directly and indirectly.  Not my ego, but my spirit.  I know that writing is what I was put on this earth to do, and the comedy will be a nice supplement.  I can take it out whenever I feel it is necessary. 

I am a big fan of dark comedies.  I love them to the point of utter insanity.  Two of my favorites are American Psycho and The Cable Guy.  Movies that have a great plot and also make you laugh.  I love things like that.  Especially the dark nature of each.  I may write some kind of dark comedy with an insane character that has a profession in fucking up lives.  I’m just bursting with ideas right now, but the only problem I’m having is working on all of these things simultaneously.  Maybe I should take one project at a time.  I’m not sure.  The thing is that I don’t know if in ten months if I’ll still be interested in certain projects that I think are good now.  I have to keep a running notebook of ideas, which probably means I’ll have to buy a computer keyboard so I can put my laptop further away and put the notebook on my desk and the keyboard below.  Never mind.  I don’t have to do that.  But I am going to try to finish my script and novel about a solitary man.  Well, I’ve got to get ready for work now, so I’ll be back some other time.

In my previous post, I touched on how I hate certain people.  I don’t hate all people, just most of them.  It’s not even that I hate stupid people.  I hate ignorant people.  I hate people who just “drift through life like lumps of crap.”  I hate the people who try to hold a position they don’t even believe in.  I hate people who blindly follow certain religions just because their family does.  I hate people who drink and drive.  I hate people who care more about profits than geniunely helping people.  I hate people on a power trip.  I hate lawyers, politicians, and policemen, most of whom are corrupt.  I hate people who think they know what’s best for everyone when they can’t even relate to the different socio-economic status of more than 70% of them.  I hate people with excessive tattoos.  I hate people who always talk about Jesus.  I hate people who lie about what they do for a living to have sex.  I hate people who gain weight but don’t do anything to try and stop it.  I hate people who try and glorify criminal behavior.  I hate teachers who have sex with their students.  Enough of who I hate, leet’s go to the opposite side.

I like people who always have something new to say.  I like people who hve a sense of humor all the time, no matter what happened to them.  I like people who live each day like it’s precious, like it’s one of their last.  I like people who respect others’ opinions and don’t force change on someone who doesn’t want it.  I like people who are vibrating at a higher frequency than me.  Their energy is amazing.  I like people who are in touch with themselves on a nightly basis (no not masturbation).  I like people who aren’t afraid to be who they truly are, not some socially-conditioned, law enforcement fearing, Bible-beating lunatic.  I like people who expose the truth.  I like people who always have a good story to tell.  I like people who, when you’re talking to them and their cell phone rings, they ignore it and continue on with the conversation.  I like people who don’t care what other people think of them.  I like people who will drop everything to help you–except their newborn infant.  I like people who aren’t so dependent on technology.  Finally, I like people who like people like me.

So I guess that pretty much says it all.  I don’t know.  That’s just what I could think of in this timespan.  But it’s true to an extent.  Most people do suck.  Most of them are superficial, igonrant, and a waste of time.  If they weren’t people would hang out with everybody and we’d all get along.  But we don’t.  When you do find people you can tolerate and may even enjoy spending time with, make sure you keep them close to you.  Because you don’t want to be stuck with someone who you hate.  Oh, oh, oh, oh, and I almost forgot.  I hate televangelists.  Good day.

I want to tell you a true story about eharmony.com.  I took seven and a half hours to fill out the Personality Profile.  It took me two and a half days in two and a half hour shifts.  It was so cumbedrsome and such a long time to spend on such a waste of time.  But I pressed through it.  I did it all.  I just wanted to see if there was anyone out there like me.  All these questions about who I am, who I want to be with, what’s going on in my head.  It was an adventure in self-exploration.

So I finish the profile and submit it and here’s the message I get:  Hello, thank you for filling out the personality profile.  “We’re very sorry, but around 1-2% of applicants are not considered acceptable for this type of service.  We wouldn’t want you to waste all your money on something that probably wouldn’t work for you.  We’re sorry, but you’re most likely doomed to a life of lonliness and solitude.”

So I decided to stop going on that website.  What does that say about me?  Am I really that different, that weird?  Am I so strange that even the strange people aren’t compatible with me?  Is that what this has come to?  I really think that’s what’s happened.  I’ve become so sheltered, so isolated, that people are a foreign policy to me.  I can’t relate to anyone, apparently.  Well, I guess I’ll never get married.  It’s too bad.  Well, I was hoping to have my wedding catered by the supermarket I work in.  The reception would be in Aisle 7.  Well, I guess that’s never going to happen for me.  Too bad.  But I still have some hope.  I’m sure there were people who filled it out before me who got the same response who would be completely compatible with me, but they just don’t know it because they’ve given up on eharmony as well.  I must say, though, there’s nothing like a dating website to show you who you really are.

So what should I do from here?  I’m looking for someone in my life who makes me smile and laugh and is attractive enough to not make me want to leave.  I need someone who relates to me the way I relate to the world.  I need someone with the same kind of feelings as me.  I think I’ve nailed it.  I need someone who hates people just as much as I do.  Where can I find such a person?  Most people like that are all alone in their house, watching TV or reading a spectacular book.  I’ll never meet these people at social occasions, unless they go there grudgingly.  It will have to  be a chance encounter in a supermarket or bookstore.  I’m reluctant to talk to people who I know have no head on their shoulders and no brain anywhere.  I need someone who gets me.  And when I find someone like that, maybe I can be okay.  We’ll see what happens in the near future.  Until then, I’m practicing comedy.

I love going to bad movies.  Not just the run-of-the-mill bad movies, but the ones that Ebert and Roepper chopped their thumbs off.  The ones they use for torture in terrorist death camps.  Those are the movies I like to go see.  You know why?  Because if something is bad, I can talk to the people there with me about how bad it is.  It’s hilarious.  It’s like, “Hey, ths movie is awful, isn’t it?”  “Yeah, it sucks.”  And eventually, we go get our money back, not sit through the entire thing because I don’t give a shit how it ends.  All I care about it having the whole theater to myself.  I like to throw candy all over the place and yell random stuff out.  I remember when I went to go see, My Big Fat Greek Wedding.  What an awful movie!  I couldn’t believe how bad it was.  And then there’s Taladega Knights.  Oh, my God, was it awful.  I spent the whole movie laughing at how bad the plots and just how bad the acting was.  It was funny because it wasn’t funny at all.  I spent more time complaining at how bad it was, it made me laugh.  I hate people who actually like those movies, though.  I think I know what it is.  They’re trying to justify spending the money to go see it.  That’s a bunch of total crap.  If you didn’t like it, don’t lie to yourself and say you did just to make the expense sensical. 

I love going to bad movies, though.  Ones that people wouldn’t ever even bother going to, ever.  Although, the value of renting bad movies is pretty good as well.  Like if you were ever to rent Master of Disguise, you’ll know what I’m talking about.  The worst movie, ever, I think.  So bad and so worthless you had to laugh at the sheer volume of it, that someone would actually think this thing up and actually think it would do well at the box office.  That’s the real comedy in it all. 

I also hate people who say that generic products taste just as good as the name brand ones.  Like at a supermarket they have too versions of Frosted Flakes.  One of them is the Kellogg’s brand, and Tony the Tiger says, “They’re great!”  On the generic brand they have a cockroach saying, “They’re okay!”  And it’s a smaller box.  And they taste terrible.  Then there’s the people who say, “They taste the same.”  You know what the name for those people is?  Cheap bastard.  But stores are going to the absolute limit.  They actually have a generic brand of Gogurt and Triscuits.  Can you believe this?  The Gogurt is called “Grab ‘Ems” and the Triscuits are called “Wheat ‘Ems.”  How stupid is that?  They feel they have to compete with those companies, too?  I’m waiting for generic caviar or something.  Mmm mmm, the taste of generic fish eggs for 99 cents. 

I can’t wait until I get a hammock, though.  That is going to be so sweet.  I can just relax in it all day.  It’s like the ultimate relaxation furniture, if that’s what it’s classified as.  I wonder how much they cost, because I hear they’re pretty popular.  If I could get one that’s really comfortable, like the ones they make in Mexico, I’d be all set.  I had a friend in colllege who had his own dorm room and he had a gigantic hammock in there.  I was like, “Hot deal, man.  That’s awesome.”  What’s better than having one.  It’s so much better than stressing my back in a chair.  I’m going to check some prices on one and I’ll get one if it’s not too expensive.  I don’t need an iPod, I need a hammock.  Then I can practice Hammockology and become fucking awesome.  Well, let me know if you know how much a hammock costs.  I’m sure I can get a good one for less than $200 dollars.  But we’ll see.  See you later, peace.

There are so many ways to waste time.  Some of it is productive and the other half of it is destructive.  Wasting time is an art form, but sometimes it can turn into a disaster.  You have to waste time intelligently or else wasting time will become wasting your life.  And if you waste your life, you might as well not have been born in the first place.  Time is a waste of time.  So if you can get good useage out of your time, then wasting it will really be using it. 

Here’s an example.  You come home from work after a tough day and you plop down on the couch and look for the remote because you want to see what’s on TV.  You’re not turning it on for any particular reason, but just looking to see if there’s something on.  And even if you don’t find something even remotely interesting, you still watch the least repulsive thing on.  Maybe it’s a nature show, who knows?  But you just sit there for an hour, two hours, or six hours, watching somthing you really don’t even care for just because you don’t have anything else to do with that spare time.  I would rather sit on that same couch just thinking for six hours than watch something I don’t really care for.  I would rather work on my set list before I would sit there and waste time. 

When I waste time, I like to do it actively.  I like to have my mind or body engaged in something when I am wasting. I’d rather not waste time passively, because it’s like just watching something or someone while you remain dormant, both physically and mentally.  One example is reading an entire newspaper just because you want to justify the fifty ents you spent on it.  You even read the “How to Please Your Man” article.  But why do that when you could be doing something you enjoy, not something you feel forced to do because of a specific cost.  I’ve bought many books that I just stopped reading because I felt they were a waste of time.  I said, “I could waste my time doing better things.”

Sometimes I shift into comedy mode and have five or six jokes come out in an hour.  While it looks like I’m just sitting here doing nothing, wasting time, my mind is working at such a rapid pace that NASA couldn’t track it.  To you, it may seem like doing that is a waste of time, but to me, it’s like doing that is the best possible use of my time.  I’d much rather do that than spend two hours of my life watching “War in Iraq” coverage or the Super Bowl Sunday Pregame show.  And making good use of your time doesn’t have to cost you any money.  Just spend time hanging out with people you like to hang out with.  It’s better than watching The Real World and watching other people hang out with their friends.  How dumb is that?  We actually watch people hang out with other people and take some kind of entertainment value out of it. 

I hate it when people say, “I don’t have any time to do that.”  That’s a bunch of crap.  Listen, with all the time people waste, I’m sure you could put your iPod Nano on pause and stop watching retarded videos on YouTube while eating a gigantic hot pretzel in your underwear.  Get off your ass and do something!  Well, you may not need to get off your ass, but at least do something.  You can still waste time, but just do it more actively.  That’s what I do and I find that I do have enough time.

 Now I’m not saying you have to become some super overcachiever because even that is a waste of time if you don’t know why you’re doing it.  I was listening to a podcast on “The Lazy Way to Success,” and I remember the guy saying that you don’t have to be a driven person to be productive.  Just don’t do nothing the wrong way or you’ll get nothing.  Don’t wate time, but use your time productively while relaxing as well.  Put your income on autopilot or something so that you’re not going to the office for X amount of hours and getting paid X amount of dollars.  You could do so many more productive things with that time.  You’re way better off finding easier ways to make money so that you can use less time to make money, which in turn will allow you to waste time in the manner you see fit.